~My PaSsION My sOuL~

I Remember...

2012-02-06T00:30:00.002+08:00

Once upon a time...

When we were naive & young... :p

Ambitious...

friendship I cherish...

Place that I can call Home...

Passion for God...

MHS

Covenantal Relationship

Sweet Memories...

Make A Difference...

sow in tears & reap with Joy!

The Covenant that WE hold on Together

TQ for leaving footprints into my life
in this land of
Batu Pahat

I will settle down in KL. Will update more about myself. If I don't...pls pray 4me~
Now it's best time to apply all things that i've learned in BP, in my Homeland.

Walking ahead with Faith.
Let's not forget the Covenant that we hold on together~
Blessed 2012, Moving with Holy Spirit, Be The Harvester!

It starts...

2012-01-30T14:44:00.004+08:00

have u ever did something like...

when u were in the train...u just dono where to stop, because u dono where to go...n u just end up going down the streets, passing crowds, passing cars, in the middle of busy city life, procrastinating time...with blocks of towers surrounding u...

that's the feeling i had...

... procrastinating time at bus stand, don't even know what shall i do... not even bother to look at the bus, not even care to look at people...just blank stare...cars passed by, crowd passed by. as if like nothing else matters...

i've lost count of numbering my days... my days towards The promise... where's Your promise words.. at times i really don't understand... if it's Your plan, help me to accept it... & teach me how... don't even know what shall i do... clock is ticking....& i know that i've not much time left... what if i made a wrong decision...what would happen next...

My challenges.... It starts...

LORD PREPARE ME

2012-01-10T19:38:00.004+08:00

As I number days...

my knees are closer to the ground....

Lord prepare me....

... as i seek ur face

I'M STILL HOLDING ON!

2011-12-15T00:50:00.004+08:00

Leaving my footprints here...

that marks "I'm still alive & fighting on in my studies & Final Year Project"

I can't wait to see Your Glorious Days to come~

Only You Know... Where I Am

2011-12-05T23:36:00.002+08:00

I was on the wheels... I went to the dark...

I was beside the water... I was in the silence...

I went to the highest place... I looked out from above...

I put myself in risk... No one knows where I've been.... Only you know where & what i've been through... I found peace in You...

For you are my Hiding Place, my Refuge,

There i seek Your Face.

CRUSHED

2011-12-05T22:56:00.005+08:00

Never have i thought.. it could be that hurt...

********

As days go by, i was trying to move forward, trying to be still. Perhaps, God wants me to learn to walk out from the crushed spirit, and stand up once again, with faith.

I don't even know if i had done the right thing... I din't expect it would turn out this way... I shouldn't have underestimate...that i would get hurt myself more... I wished..that i could take back my words...

**********

I was there.. I heard... & I saw... but why are you still doing this... as if i did not know anything... I was silent, because i want you to speak up yourself, let it be the words that comes from ur own mouth... the more u do that...the more u hurt me....I felt like i'm a fool.. but i learned to love & pray for you. The worse part is that i felt hopeless to help u... i'm so limited i do not know what to do.. that's the hardest part. & i'm preparing myself to be taken for granted. Perhaps God, u allow me to go through the hurt free process.

*********

"Dear Lord, it is You the One who gave me strength, to restart my life, to move on & go more miles for you. It is You Lord, that i take refuge in. Who else God, can i turn to if it's not for You. Come & heal me Lord. Restore my broken heart. Stretch out Your Mighty Hands God, do not be too silent, for You are my living Hope. Guide me in the Truth. In You, I trust~ I know that my Redeemer lives, & you will come to Save."

So close...yet So FAr

2011-09-27T11:18:00.010+08:00

These scenes...these places are so familiar... And i recalled the sweet memories i had... I have been here before... I had done something here before... the laughter...the chatter... I remembered... I finally get to remember back once again...

i realized... i had been losing my memories... because i find it... estranged when i found myself in these places... i remembered the days when i had been praying that these memories will be deleted from my mind...

* * * * * * * * * * *

I find it so hard to see ahead... for the route i'm on it is covered with thick fog.. as if the path is leading to no where...

but somehow this route... there is a light that shines once in awhile... & there is this voice that says.. "this way"...

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." - Isaiah 30:21

The moment of Silence...

2011-09-11T16:45:00.003+08:00

The moment of silence…

..when I have nothing to say, for im speechless…

..When i learned to catch up & flow with all the rushings… despite the aches & tiredness..

.. when I witnessed bitterness…

The moment of silence…when I can’t see the light of hope…

i'v become quiet & shy, timid & vulnerable...

* * * * * * * *

[flashing back]

A friday night to remember…when those words… cut through my heart…Trying to smile yet breathing in back the accumulated mucus & allowing my tears to flow out silently. I cried… I yelled… I spoke up… for I can’t stand it…I tried to control myself… Those words really hurt me..

It was a 1 hour face to face talk... & I thank God for such unexpected event that led us to a breakthrough in our relationship. We end up repent & pray together before God. I hugged..

* * * * * * * *

[flashing back]

It was a warmth night for me… when I tidy up my room.

Lots of memories being restored when I packed my things….my childhood, primary, high school time, college, uni… family of God & in this house… In this house, there’s a wooden giant spoon that I like it alot, for its message always made my heart warmth... i learned to cherish...

* * * * * * * *

I thank God for all the things that happen, for I have the chance of being rise up, take up greater responsibilities, gaining trust from people, & becoming a blessing in such places. I cherish the times when we laugh Together, in d midst of facing hardship Together, compared to 1 person alone bearing all the burdens. I cherish all the sharing & talks. I wanna give thanks to those who had blessed us, & bro sis + friends who encouraged me. I really wonder what is ahead… only God knows what will happen tomorrow, tomorrow, & tomorrow~ May the Lord prepare me to embark a new journey in this coming semester!

Experience lead us to wisdom. Pains & scars allow us to be stronger. Courage is not a gift, yet its a character developed through hardship. Let us move forward with faith my dear people who are in struggles! Let's press on together! God bless :)

My Guitar

2011-09-02T12:09:00.008+08:00

I have a guitar
I use it for my Lord
To sing praise & worship for You Lord

I have a guitar
I use it everyday
Just to see Your light of Glory shines

Listen O Listen God
My praises to You
May You Be pleased with my songs

Listen O Listen God
I sing out my prayers
My heart desires
To You Lord

CHORUS:
I Strum & I Strum
Sound of praise fills the air
I Strum & I Strum
Singing a new song to You Lord

Splendid is the Majesty
Worthy of our praises

I strum & I strum
Let the music never cease
I dance & I dance
Bringing Joy unto Your Face

Delighting in Your Presence
Sound of praise fills the air
Shouting Hallelujah
Halle Hallelujah (X3)

My 1st Night With The Kids...It Was Not So Bad~

2011-08-16T04:38:00.005+08:00

I don't quite understand why kids have to follow you around & sleep despite i had changed my positions away from them so that i can open my legs wide & snore out loud like a wile boar (just kidding, i didn't do that anyhow).

I mean... they just want you to be around them. One thing i have learned & am learning, is that, kids do need attention, security & love~ Which is one thing that i had been neglected towards kids all these while...

Though there were little kicks & leg hugging for me at night, but it was still a wonderful picture having my eyes peep opened in the middle of the night to see what they are up to~

God...why do u took my voice away...

2011-08-16T04:31:00.003+08:00

That afternoon, when i woke up from my nap, I just lost my voice...

I was frustrated Lord, each time i want to sing a love song to You, I'm soundless...

But Lord, you know my heart desires. Each time when i want to sing a praise to You so badly, You just gave my voice back... but that was only temporary.... why not prolong it even after the praise of songs...is it because Lord, that You want me to quiet down...

& listen to Your Voice~

It's a beautiful picture...

2011-08-13T00:17:00.002+08:00

Seldom do i have the chance to sit down, observe, enjoy & listen to these two beautiful women, the women who chose to live for God, sharing about their lives. The weather was kinda hot, yet the floor was cooling. These two lives, whom they had gone through many challenges, sat together on the floor, were in all smiles. I was sitting on the sofa, shaking my legs like a kid, wif baby Jo around me & mom. We laughed & joked together. I never had such experience in my house before. Watching them having great time together, with me part in it, i felt so blessed.

It was truly a wonderful picture~

Jehovah Healeth Me

2011-08-12T01:04:00.004+08:00

Psalm 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

I Thank You Lord, for allowing me to go through these process. For i know that you are building & molding me. There were confusion, there was hurt, there were sweet memories. But Lord, i just want to put all these behind. Erase my memory oh Lord, I want to forget the past. I just want to move on, I just want to serve you, I just want to love you more & more. And I want to delight myself in you Lord. Thank you, for you are my Jehovah Healer.

Philippians 3:13

Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead!

Those Tiny Little Fingers...

2011-08-11T23:17:00.004+08:00

I felt so warmth when u lay your chest on me, I felt so near to your heart beat.
You were a sleepy head when i cradled you in my arms.
You look so cute when u had your yawn.
I brushed through your hair & held you tight,
You gave me a sense of loving to you more & more.
Look at that little fingers of yours,
You are the one who motivates me to sing lullaby to you.
Your tiny eyes that take a peep on me when you are about to have your sweet dreams.
At times you threw tantrums & cried out loud.
But you are always a sweet heart to me.
You are like a precious ruby, even millions times better than that.
You are a beautiful child of God, name given that means "God is gracious".
You will grow up to be a great woman of God.
Thank You so much for your touch. For I know that,
It is You who First Love Us, That I could give my love.
Thank You Lord.

At times, I thought u are still here...

2011-08-04T20:19:00.004+08:00

In memories of you...

I miss you...

My Hiding Place

2011-08-04T19:34:00.002+08:00

It was drizzling cold, with cool breeze brush through my face, im not sure how long i have been up here on this hill, but i have found a place... a place for me to cool down...

It was drizzle rain, I don't even know which one is the droplet from the sky... or izit from my eyes.. There was no one in this park, there were only voices... voices from the sky, voices from the surrounding beauty nature. I sat on the pave way, not concerning if i would soak myself in rain, i cried out loud to the Lord...

Psalm 34:18
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. "

Psalm 91:2
"I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

My Hiding Place, to seek Him,
My place of Safety..

Waiting Upon

2011-05-17T16:07:00.007+08:00

It was truly a wonderful semester that i had gone through, the 1st 2nd quarter of this year. Flashing back the days of sorrow, excitement, shame, stress, and not forgetting the sweet hours i had at nights, and days too. I learn to fix my eyes on the Lord, I learn to trust in Him more, I learn to find rest in Lord Jesus. Frankly speaking, if i do not have God in my life, that down times period, i really do not know where i can find strength to go for more miles, that will last. I thank God to have my brothers and sisters to watch over me, i feel so blessed to be in this family of God.

In this semester, i made mistakes during the holidays, in which it slap me hard on the face when i realize i had lost the vision. I climb up once again, i learn to catch up, i learn from my mistakes. I did mistakes again when i did not trust God enough & end up a broken spirit, a broken soul. I submitted my sorrow & sickness unto His Hands. Im trading my worries with the Joy of the Lord, recognizing that He is my Lord my God. I thank Him for moulding me. With all the things that happen in this past semester, i received the most is learning to be still, & wait upon the Lord. The Lord is my shepherd, He watches over me.

I grateful for God-sent people in my lives. My heart rejoice when seeing them experiencing the grace of God. Yet, seeing the person that i love being hurt, really breaks my heart. I learn to submit into Him either, that He will take care of him, as he go through the roaring seas. I made mistakes during the holidays, i do not want to repeat it again. Knowing that the Lord has His right time, for us, for me, for everyone.

I'm a lady in wait, for that 1 fine day.

Im waiting upon~

I'm ready to leave 2010

2010-12-31T02:14:00.007+08:00

Each time i left home with a rush & many times i depart with tears in the bus...soaking over certain hurts, self-condemnation & madness... This time when i was in the bus going back Johor, i cried not because of the above, but of such feeling that has never exist... I never thought i could miss some1 so badly....

I really enjoyed every minutes every seconds that i had in Seri Kembangan, in KL this holiday. Before i went back home, i told God I wanna learn to stand in the gap in this holiday for my family & how challenges just arrive on my doorstep when i first reach home, & that's how i learn to do something that exceeds my capability in knowledge, skills, & physical strength. & through out all these, i discovered & developed new abilities too.... How i live on the grace of God~~ Asking for wisdom & strength each day to deal with everyday events. 1 thing i do not really understand is that, why twice i went back home, twice i experienced food poisoning whilst i ate the same food as others did...I felt like a pregnant lady this holiday...being nauseous all the time.. & i thank God that i had recovered now.

I shall say that this holiday is truly like a training mission for me, learning to overcome things on my own when there's no1 4me to turn to... & I cherish the beautiful friendship that i have never imagine it would be so wonderfully made. & i shall say, i never regret going back home~

Happy New Year dear folks :)

My Thanksgiving to YOU 2

2010-12-25T23:56:00.001+08:00

It was a wonderful retreat that we had for the last 2days @Gunung Lambak there. I never regret coming all the way back to Johor just to spend time with u all, & have a moment of quietness in the remote. Though I miss out the thanksgiving lifegroup night, my mind still in thanksgiving through out the journey back to KL.

To the house of NISSI, dear bro :

Sunny

Hi Sunny, I’m glad to have the chance to serve with u in lifegroup. That’s how I get to know u more when we paired together in praise & worship. I used to stay my distance away from u coz many times I wrongly sensed the aura of “im not approachable” from u hehe. The truth is, hey~ u r really a warmy brother. U always cook for us, & 4those who haven’t eat their b/fast, lunch or dinner. & I like ur cooking2~ U r really funny & the way u rub ur tummy is double funny hehe~ I learned a lot from u bro, u taught us a lot of things be it during lifegroup, church sermons or even during hangout. TQ for being so strong when u are in not-ok-times, that u hold on to God & His Vision, standing up again fighting as an overcomer. Don’t be discouraged in every circumstances, for u are truly not alone in all these. Jia you brother! U r more den conqueror! All ur labour will not go in vain!

Jingzu

Hey Zu, Tq 4ur life & dedicating urself 2serve faithfully. Sometimes u reminded me of my Aunty Van when I was schooling. When the van comes, all the kids so excited to go unto the van & off to school or back to home. Hehe.. Many times, during long/short journey u will still be the driver even though u may gone tru a hard day. I remembered how u used to be in the past, comparing now, u always learn & have a teachable heart. U r learning to be a good brother, a gentleman. After sort of “rebuke”/being taught in the church, I see ur efforts in being protective haha.. U always fetch Bel & sis after night classes as u do not wish to see them walking alone in the dark back to Rapha. And when u reach Rapha, u will always ensure till we step on the white tiles & close the door b4 u leave, ensuring our safety. Ur mouth is round & u really talk a lot, u always made me laugh from ur jokes. How u have laid down for the Kingdom of God shall never go in vain bro, u’ll see His glory reign! +U bro! In ur ministry, in life, spiritually, & studies! Continue to be a shining star for God whenever u are!

Joshua

Hey Joshua, tq 4ur life~ 4laying down for God, & 2b willingly being the clay to be moulded by Him. I like to listen 2ur sharing & ur testimonials encouraged me a lot. U are a thoughtful person who think of others & very懂事的一个人. Tq 4always being ever ready to serve. U are very幽默, u always make the atmosphere fills with laughter & alive. We seldom really chat or hangout together & I do not really have the chance to taste ur cooking. Hope that we have a greater breakthrough in our relationship bro!

Sze Hou

Hou kor Hou kor! My companion in eating haha just kid..Tq 4everything bro~ Many times when we were hanging around & u spotted me so quietly, u’ll just approached me 2b the listener. If u r shy, u’ll just SMS me hoping 2cheer me up / encouraged me. Thx a lot bro. U r generous in giving hands to ur bros sis & people. Ur life encouraged me a lot bro. How u came 2know Christ really funny, but that shows the simple+pure faith of urs & love 2wards God, really inspires me. U do not care what the surrounding people think of u, but u’ll just do it for God. U move ahead despite certain fears in u, u just put faith in Him, trusting that God lead u the way. May God continue 2mould u 2b a blessing whenever u go, & let His glory show forth! Tq 4ur life Sze Hou~

Alix

Hey there Alix bro, im not sure if I should tag u… but I like2 express my Thank You 2u Alix.. Little time did we spent 2gtr, but ur life truly encouraged me a lot. There were times be it outside the exam hall, or the morning prayer pondok, there were worries in the corner of ur eyes, but u just put faith in God. Cute on the outer appearance, came all the away from Ranau Sabah, but ur passion 4Christ is so great that God open ways & helped those who help themselves. & u were like Joshua son of Nun, leading the team. U just live by the grace of God~ When we were sharing together, sometimes I do not understand what u shared but many times u lead me to think of another perspective. U always started with “boleh nampak lah..” so funny, u stimulate my mind. Let this pair of eyes see the future God has 4u & let these anointed eyes of urs fix on Him, 4God cares 4u+carries ur burden. U were really a romantic guitarist too, any1 told u that hehe? whenever I was in Nissi, the play of ur guitar & the fingers on the strings always caught my heart haha… I always got distracted to ur play~ U really play very well Alix, don’t let the sound of praise & that talented fingers stop. Let the beat fills the air, & let ur passion burns once again~ God knows ur heartbeat, & He loves u2, so are His people~ There is always hope~

Khang Yinn

Hey bro, tq 4ur life. I’m really glad how God arranged a divine meeting 4me 2bump in2 u on my 1st day lost in UTHM, & now we r bros sis in Christ. U r truly a special person that I met & u r really like a father. Ur love 2wards God, His church & ur uni lifegroup truly touched me. U will always have time for ur people when u see their needs & encourage those who are struggling. U will always share what u have to the surrounding people. If u really notice that the person next 2u is eating only rice+egg, or bread without water etc, u’ll share ur drinks & take the meat+vege from ur plate to that person’s. U have been a sensitive brother. U r generous in giving to ur people & be ever ready to serve, help & teach. I never seen such a patient young man in my life b4. I remember that time u were teaching me to drive & all sorts of “wonderful exciting adventures” happened yet ur voice is still so calm, patient, caring..encouraging me not to give up. Many times ur life & testimonials inspire me. I learned a lot from u KY, be it knowledge, hands on skills or spiritually. See~ told u, u r really like a dad. Ur cooking is really nice. Many times I see that when u r being stretched so far, yet u chose to put God’s Kingdom 1st. U take up challenge to lead by the grace of God & how God open ways for those who believe in Him. I thank God for the chance that we can serve together. May the Lord honour the anointed one & use u greatly for His Kingdom comes! All ur efforts will never go in vain! God bless u abundantly bro!

My Thanksgiving to YOU

2010-12-25T03:32:00.011+08:00

It was a wonderful retreat that we had for the last 2days @Gunung Lambak there. I never regret coming all the way back to Johor just to spend time with u all & have a moment of quietness in the remote. Though I miss out the thanksgiving lifegroup night, my mind still in thanksgiving through out the journey back to KL.

To the house of RAPHA, dear :

Li Fong

Tablemate! I do not know y but I like to hug u, u r like my pillow, so huggable ^^ Dear sis, im very much encouraged by ur courage for Christ sake though many times u r in timid times. How God had changed & moulded u 2become His people so bold that His glory is reflected. Though many times there r fears in u, but u took the step of faith & courage to take up the challenges. The desire in u for God has win over all the obstacles in ur life, praise God~ u r more than conqueror! U have always been my encouragement sis. And.. I wanna be ur barnabas too~ Whenever im not ok, u can sense my aura is different. Ur presence beside me is already a comfort & strength 2me. Somehow i still felt that most times our relationship is only restricted to physical/surface level, seldom more than that. & i hope there is a breakthrough in this area. I thank God for this relationship li fong. Let this relationship continue to grow! I love u sista! *hugz*

Pui Ying

Dear sis, even we have been housemates under the same roof twice yet we never really chat/hangout. And it must be God’s great plan 4us 2have once again being placed in Rapha house as sisters in Christ this time! Ur pure & simple faith to God is truly a sweet spirit that u have. Despite all the complexity from the people towards u out there, u fix ur eyes on God instead. How u r willing to lay down urself & 2be changed by God, ur efforts will not be wasted. In Rapha, u always cook yummies for us, & it’s really YUMMY!! Whoever falls sick, u will make some herbs & drinks 4us. Sometimes u may be the silencer but u truly play the role of a supporter, giving strength 2us. Whenever we have chance to share, ur testimonial always help me @my current situation when I needed that encouragement so much. U know sis, I really thank God for this Retreat that we just came back from, because I truly get to know u more.

Do u see this picture, it may not be the best shot/angles, but I see the beauty of this picture. Because I see unity, passion & love. Limitation of physical strength may be 1 of ur greatest challenge, talk about climbing the steep Mount Lambak & ur fear of heights, but the passion & determination spirit within u has overcome all things impossible. Dear sis, nothing can separate u away from the love of God & nothing could stop the unity in this family of God. Tq 4ur life sis, tq 4ur perseverance, tq 4ur transparency, trust, hope, faith & love~

Qian Ying

Hey dear sister, i1 2tq 4ur life in dedicating urself 4God's vision, in serving Him faithfully. How God Himself reviewed to u that made u changed a new. Many times ur sharing & testimonials truly miraculous & amazingly wonderful how God blessed u when u honour Him & that He honours u back in life, studies etc. U have a pure heart for God & I learned a lot from ur life sis. In Rapha, u r the most disciplined1 in ur time arrangement. U always keep a thankful heart doesn’t matter what circumstances u face, u fix ur eyes on the Lord & trust fully in Him. Ur burden to the souls out there, ur never ceasing prayers & ur efforts made in harvesting fruits will never go in vain! God sees it all & He knows ur heart desires & needs, & the Lord will be ur best provider! I tq 4always being my “backstage” supporter. I remembered there was once my cooking has gone so teruk that im afraid the lifegroup people will not want to taste it & u told me “don’t worry lily, I will eat ur meal! It still looks nice 2me”. When I was down & in distress, u always try to put a smile on my face, u always do ur little cute cartoon jiayou-action 2encourage me. Tq 4ur prayers2 sis. U always like to D.I.Y. on paper arts as a gift to encourage the people around u. U r truly a blessing, a sensitive sister & a good supporter in Rapha. Tq 4everything sis!

Hei Ling

Hey there Hei Ling, previously we did not really have some moments to really know 1another, until this semester, & I thank God for such chances. There were certain similarities between us that I find it interesting, & it seems like u are going tru/ gone tru the same thing that I had went tru b4. U really r an adorable & humorous sister that is playful & bold. U always bring liveliness to the whole atmosphere. In the midst of all struggles & challenges, many tears shed, @d end of the day u chose to walk in God’s will, & laid down ur many aspects of ur life, 4His Kingdom. I wanna assure u that ur efforts will not go in vain. Be thankful in every circumstances, knowing that the Lord is ur God of Jireh. Let the Joy of the Lord be ur strength! May our relationship continue to grow~ Tq 4ur life sis!

Bel

Hey dear my jinglebel~ It’s awesome 2hav met u tru English debate, den we were in Sife 2gtr & how great it is now dat we r serving the Lord 2gtr! A lot of sweet memories wif u, but this sem I felt dat I have neglected/somehow paid less attention 2u. Many times I wish 2jump onto the bed & join li fong u all rolling around, cubit-cubit 1another, watch drama/movie 2gtr with u….but I end up most of the time sitting in front of my lappie… I really enjoyed Bel. I enjoyed walking 2gtr wif u back to Rapha, I enjoyed being chased by u on the bicyle while I jog & chase u back, I enjoyed fetching u with u at the back of the bicycle screaming all the way back to Rapha trying to balance ourselves on the wheels… U always my guliguligu Bel Bel. Ok, u may officially call me “my lily” now, I can accept already tee hee hee… Bel, I wanna encourage u no matter what, never give up half way, doesn’t matter how hard dis route could be, u’ll never be alone. & u Fight Till The Very End! U r more den conqueror Bel! Over emotions, over physical tiredness, over deception... Don’t let ur past draw u back~ 2gtr we run for God! *hug hug kiss kiss*

Kasmah

Dear Kak Kam, u have a pleasant character that I always see the joy of the Lord in u. I cherish ur smile & it is sweet~ I like to listen to ur voice of prayers, as I find it so gentle~ How u made efforts in learning English through Youtube really encourages me. U r willing to start from zero, & kasmah, I believe 1day u can be a Hero & master good English too! If there is a will, there is surely a way. Jia you sis! We can chat in English whenever u want ya! I never really see u in downcast/angry mood b4. Ur desire+passion to Christ is so pure ur love to God has flow out from u reaching the surrounding people. Through out the Retreat, how u guided Pui Ying on each step so faithfully loyally carefully really touched me. Ur life encouraged me, many areas I can learn from u. U are a good mountain walker too haha.. I thank God for this relationship. God knows ur heart desire & He will open ways for those who desire Him. Hope to c u in UTHM sis~ May the Lord bless u Kasmah! May our relationship continue to grow, I wanna know u more~

Rozinah

Hey dear Kak Rozie Rozie~ u always so cute la~ U bring lively atmosphere & smiles around to the places that u walk through. Seldom did we have talks 2gtr, mainly just an outer playfully conversation with u. Hope 2know u more sis! Kak Roz, wanna encourage u whenever u face challenges, do not be discouraged or felt unable, as u r never fighting alone! God is with u sis! So does this family of God. Let there be a breakthrough in our relationship! Jia you in everything sis, in life, ministry, spiritually, & ur studies too. Love~

Peniel

Truly1 2TQ 4everything shepherd. Since the day u pick me up like the starfish on the shore, my life has been greatly influenced by u. TQ 4never giving me up all these while sis. U always helped me to see many bigger pictures in my life, I learned a lot from u. And many times u were there supporting & backing up for me when I fail/fall. In Uni1, there’s only u & me, & we have already made up a good team. I did not ask for anything but u already knew my heart desire & needs. U always stand in the gap when I need help though I did not voice out. U are very sensitive sis. U r faithful in discipling me, ensuring im ok & on the right track. Ur commitments in the Vision, all ur efforts shall never go in vain! U are not only our big sister in the house, but truly a mom to all of us in Rapha. Each night, we will stay up late 2gtr with Rapha sisters to study. & whoever accidentally fell asleep or woke up late after the alarm sounds, u will tried ur very best to wake us up by drawing on our feet, tickling us, made us laugh till we are awake. We know we have commitments in our ministry yet u play the role 2help take care of our studies, ensuring we did not overslept & missed out doing our homeworks. I’m so glad 2have met u sis! U have set an example for us 2follow~ U gave us strength & encouragement whenever we are discouraged. No matter how busy u are, u still have time for us, ensuring the peace & unity in the house of God. I love to hear u sing & play the guitar in the house, when there is ur presence in the house, there is warmth. I like the way u care for every souls out there, & willing to be stretched & maximized for God’s Kingdom & glories to come. Dear sis Peniel, my 1 Thank U is not enough 2express my gratitude 2u, but having d honour to walk with u in Christ & be ur comrade in this Vision is the best gift ever! TQ 4giving ur life to the Lord! God honours u my dearest shepherd!

The Sound of Praise

2010-12-17T12:09:00.006+08:00

When i was having my meal dis early noon, i paused & stop doing everything. I just freeze right there. A little voice has caught my ears... & it was the child next door singing praise~ & i just look at my mom sitting next to me, & i said Hallelujah~ She smiled~

********

You know we always or perhaps used to hum a song, do our daily things, but we never knew the meaning of it. Sometimes being naive is good~ Because we do not know a lot of things, there isn't much of exposure to the worldly views, no complexity, no racism/attitude of despising brained wash in us, there is only pure heart for friendships, pure mind for an act of honesty.

********

When we are naive, we build good friendship doesn't matter what skin colour we are

When we are naive, we do not know so much about rich & poverty. But we still live in joy whilst we are poor

Even the missing tooth & freckles face will not put the picture into flaws, when these kids know nothing about the perspective of beauty from the world viewed.

***********

Even in black & white picture, the smiles of the angelic faces have given the picture a perfect touch of colours when these kids know nothing about worries.

***********

The next door toddler raising her voice so loud in joy singing "Soraklah Hallelujah, Soraklah Hallelujah...." & none of her family are believers. She may be young & not knowing the meaning of the lyrics, but she is singing praise to God. Hallelujah she sing~ she is praising God~~

“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."

-Luke 18:16-

Let the sound of praise never cease & spread across the land

Reflection in the rear mirror

2010-12-13T22:13:00.003+08:00

Little chance did we hangout or talk to each other in the past... but somehow that little chance had became somewhat of opportunities these few days...

*****************

We used to walk pass each other like strangers... little conversation did we had... until i had a real glance of your eyes... This pair of eyes somewhat looked familiar...as if i had seen you before in the past... & i would say that you have such beautiful eyes that shine.

The more i have the chance to be with you, i began to know you. Your eyes~ they reminded me of my childhood crush. I was young, & he was the little boy in the class, yet the eldest. We never talked to each other much, but there's much of eye contacts. His picture in my head may b blurry, but his gaze & stare i shall never forget... & now~ You reminded me of him...

I saw your eyes from the reflection in the car rear mirror... & i know that i should guard my heart... I don't wish to fall unto another confusion again...

THE POWER OF LOVE

2010-12-13T20:24:00.006+08:00

It was when the day u walked off to catch the bus, then only i realized.. it was the power of Love...that has changed & hit me...

*******************

I was riding on bike chasing after u, just to deliver the fried rice that i have made 4u before u leave... I was cycling fast to trace ur track, but u were no where to be seen... my muscle was aching, working on the pedals.. den only i realize i was too late. U were already gone...

It was just a temporary depart but somehow i felt that i miss u... alot...

*****

Many times i got annoyed by u.. but most times when i gone haywire and upset, u were there cheering for me, so sensitive of my needs for support. It was when that time u invited me into the room that morning, u have changed my perceptions towards u... & i felt bad n thankful @d same time, to have u around. I learned alot from your life...

*****

When there were times i wanna yelled out loud, cried out & grief over this wounded soul after a battlefield... i learned to accept the past & reality. I chose to make a difference this time... i chose to say sorry...

*****

When there were too much time that i cried over this fear within me, to approach, to love... I was in distress with all the challenges...& I finally overcome it. And the power of prayers & praise+worship all glories to God~ I learn to lay down, accept, be opened, & to love... once again
......................

It all started.....when i realize all these....that i was crying over a little incident.... when i was chasing after you... just to past you the little lunch box that i have kept 4u

WHAT HAPPENED...

2010-09-10T00:10:00.004+08:00

"Why do u look so guilty?" questioned he.

I said "har? erp..."
im speechless..

Can't believe it happened i just can't believe it happened...

*********************************

Have u ever been in a situation that u do not know what to do? How to do? Why me why him why it happens? WHY~~! Not knowing what to do is the most darn thing. You try 2help but u just don't know how..

*****************************

The skid of the car, the quick reverse, the whining and the loud noise of cracking bones is still fresh in my mind.. i was crouching on d road panicking..my lips kept repeating why it happens why it happens..reluctant to believe that it's not a dream...

.... I am guilty because at times i thought i am a jinx. I am guilty coz IF i did not come back home such incident could be avoided. I am guilty coz i should have immediately call her to come back home, din realize accident will just happen within split seconds...That was just the 1st night i step into home.. I can't find fault on the damn driver for driving fast thus blaming on my dog for being "blind" on d road... damn it i was so frustrated... y am i oways d emotional1... I just couldn't imagine if i was to limp on 1 leg in my life, i have 2restart all over again, if i am a person who likes to jog & run, such accident will just "end" my soul...

...The pain in her eyes, the helpless look on her face when she was trying so hard to stand up or move but to no avail, the shaking of her body & panting non-stop says it all...it really breaks my heart.. Setting alarms every 1-2 hours from d couch to check on her @wee hours...The days that she was gone, i called her name but no reply then only i realized that she's away.. Now that she has back from surgery, complications.. she has to learn to walk on 3 limbs now.. there won't b any jumping & shouting of "JOGGING!! JOGGING HALLIE!!"..can't do that anymore.. How i wish dis raya holidays being extended, at least i can spend more time with her & take k of her... But i know that i need 2get back Johor...d things that i promised,i can't compromise, & i know my purpose during dis 2weeks raya holidays... Really on struggle what to do now...n pls don't tell me that she is just a dog... u can walk away from my face now if u intend 2do that.

It is just not fair...because i'm unworthy of it...

2010-06-09T01:11:00.006+08:00

"...Thank you...Thank you so much....Thank you so so much O Lord......I'm in deep greatfulness.....You gave me hope again..."

*************************

There were many occasions i thought back the times when i was being looked down in the past....i have burried all the grieve & hatred within me, & it became so strong that sometimes it creates a feeling of revenge....

There were times that i fought back with no mercy for those who used to treat me arrogantly last time, when i know i'm in power now.... that it created the pride so strong yet invisible on the outside...in me.....

There were many times i was being cut through, my heart.. so deep so deep that it bled non stop & it had turned my heart into stone, a mask on the face.... and it had me made over into a new person, more confident 10 times than before....

hey~ not now... not now lily~

i do not want to have all these now~ i no longer want all these...

***********************************

When i look back all these while....so much ups & downs... ahh just like a roller coaster........ I thank the Lord for what had happened & even the sufferings that i endured... because sufferings produce perseverance, mould me, shape me & turn me anew....

It is just so unfair for those who are unworthy to shine.... & that is GRACE that i have learned....

& i'm.. learning to change...take away this pride~

Thank YOU so so much....

For YOUR GRACE IS Always Sufficient~

HOPE Kampar Mission Support (5-6/6/10)

2010-06-06T23:26:00.015+08:00

"Dear Lord, I pray that i'm able to mingle well with the bros & sis there..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a lovely morning in Kampar, Perak Malaysia! A place that is surrounded by hills & lakes. Kampar is located in the tin ore reserves areas where u'll find abandoned mining-ponds too.

It was my 1st time joining HOPE Church Serdang for mission support in Kampar. It was a fantastic experience~ I cherish the friendship i have made with the bros & sis there~

We left Serdang, Selangor on 5th, around 10am & off to Perak we go!!

During the 1st day in Kampar, we had our networking introduction session in the noon, then we were divided into groups for a game. And this game was indeed something to ponder on between Life & Ministry. It goes like this:-
Yellow - means, something you think that is impossible but u would like to try / carry out, & it's possible!
Blue - means, something you are still doing in Life & in Ministry.
Red - means, something you think that is not effective in Life & Ministry, that u have stop doing that.
White - means, something crazy or seems impossible that you would like to do.

Each 4 groups takes turn to write on each different colours of manila cards.

(just a sample)

this session actually gives u a wider perspective on what u r still pursuing in this world & what's your priority in life, ministry etc..

Next, we had our frisbee game & it's really awesome. I thought frisbee game is gonna be boring but hey~ we played it something like the basketball way. Running here & there under the hot sun, my skin was scorching alright~

"....i came here for mission SUPPORT, & not for vacation....."

Though time management was something that needs to improve on, i really appreciate the efforts made by Bro Calvin & his team in serving, organizing everything. There were times he shouted for attention & cooperation. Many times his patience was tested i assumed. I was thinking... sometimes we always go for mission suppport, say monthly~ & it has become a norm, that we have forgotten that we were going for a mission, for a purpose, & not for vacation, relax & have fun. we r going there 4 support & mission oh yeah~

i'm glad to see the spirit among bros & sis who realize this. something that we can learned from each other's life together.

Here comes the night, & we went out to do invitations for Talent Night & Welcoming care groups. I was teamed with Bro Mok, Bro Yun Lai & Sis Vivien, with Sis Shi Rou joined us later. It was awesome going from house to house in UTAR, Kampar doing publicity. Ahh~ just like old times with community service gang in Kundang Ulu, Pagor Johor. Walking under hot sun for days from house to house to promote education, hoping the villagers would join our events. ahh~ miss it!

Tiring~ but had great time~ Though many of them are young babies in Christ, some almost same time with me when i accepted Christ last year, the passion in some of the bros sis for God, the Love within them~ so warmth so sincere~ ahh lovely!

West Lake view is indeed a fascinating sight.... here's a sample

(picture obtained from blogger Adrian Foo)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning i woke up~ thought i was having flu, but only realize my nose was bleeding. ergh nasty... Kampar is indeed a hot zone alright~

It was Mission Sunday. Sis Adeline's Word For Life class was indeed an awesome1, added with a lil sense of humour, this is no ordinary lady but a lady of God! Shared tits & bits of her life too~ ahh powerful testimonial standing in front of me~

It was a great Mission Sunday service in Hope Kampar, really glad to meet Coordinator Bro Joshua. Wonderful sermons that really touched me that gave me some ponders & encouragements. I thank God for the whole trip, full restoration & answers that I have received. I cherish every friendship that i have found.

met Pui Ying from Hope Batu Pahat too! muahaha *cubit*

like to thank UPten 4 inviting me for this mission as well

+U all STAR groups! Best wishes for Talent Night!!

P/S : Talent Night Singing Competition @ 18/6/2010 7.30pm, @Hope Kampar (walking distance from Grand Kampar Hotel), with special guest appearance 2008 Astro Talent Quest Champion GAN WAN CHEAN(颜莞倩). Welcome every1 including all Utarians to join!!

** 1st prize winner for competition is RM150.

** RM5 entrance fees for Talent Night, while stock last!

when i was having my thoughts....

2010-06-05T01:11:00.013+08:00

"u woke up early~ where r u going?"

"err..im goin out...to meet some friends.."

***(eversince that night u questioned me about the "issues", it started to affect me...i know that i could not answer u...because i just can't...im not even confident to give u an answer...i'm just sorry i dissapoint u..i've tried my very best..)***

Headed down the streets of KL, trying to clear my mind off. Whenever im frustrated, i'll just like to take a stroll outside~ Don't know why...i just chose KL~ maybe it's because im not familiar with the routes, & whenever im in a new environment, i'll be more alert & refreshed when im alone~

sometimes im weak, throw me into a new place & let me survive on my own, i'll come out whole anew~ & stronger perhaps, after going through sufferings & stand up again without relying on others.. Weird but it's true that whenever i have friends that i can depend on, i'll become less alert, dumber perhaps... sometimes i rather chose to be alone...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Met a couple of backpackers in the train~ with the guy's face fully grown with moustache, the couples' unmanaged attires..looked kinda rugget though~ the couple reminds me of a chat i once had with my best friend, when we both were high on the topic of travelling. Saying that we will be backpackers 1day, going around the world, stopping by countries to work temporary & earn some bucks while dropping by hotels motels & sleep in lobbies for free...huh that was old time alright...how sad that this relationship is not complete...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Saw an interesting blind pairs today..they were walking by the blind walkway with the help of their folding canes. Suddenly i have this curiousity on how they survived through this busy street in KL & followed them behind slowly.. Observed their every move from a distance~ I heard the blind lady that was clutching the guy's elbow said "macam mana"(how), d guy replied "jalan saje"(just walk) & he knew where to avoid certain corners & had great sense of direction to turn left or right. Then came to the escalator, the couple stop & the lady said "macam mana", the guys replied "pegang ni, jalan saje" (hold this, just walk) & the guy lead the girl through his elbow to touch the handle of the moving escalator. The lady was trying to balance herself on the moving stairs while the guy was steadily in position. However i've lost sight of the couples. Not long after, i saw that lady again but was alone at the end...i wonder where did the blind man go....

Though there were a few shoulder bumps when the surrounding people not aware of the blinds, i would say that the male has great sense of hearing, he has been trained for it, to listen to voicec, voices of the surrounding, the people, the busy streets... that lady seems like a rookie though, as if she has just become a blind lately & not used to the "new" condition she is in right now...

U know, i even wonder of tabbing along a blind, with my eyes blind folded & off the road with a stick.. & learn to listen like a blind, be alert like a blind. I~ want to have that sensitivity towards The Voice too...

******************

" Eli~ Eli? Are u calling me..?"
- 1Samuel 3:6-8

Here it goes again...

2010-06-03T23:19:00.006+08:00

Feelin pressured?

"Oh..It wasn't me...It's her..."

This phrase always come & go~

I met my teacher who taught me English when i was a kid, whom she has been watching me grow until today. Ya, once in awhile i still keep in touch with her. I like her...but i just can't stand the fact that i felt presurred under the conversations.. Not only with her....but with many others too...

Children whose parents are principals of some universities, presidents of an organization, teachers, deans or whatever positions they are in, might have to live a life driven by expectations. You always need to beat the best (or at least u must be in the Top A List). Usually these kids are bright. After all~ their parents expect them to be bright anyway~ This is not only applicable to these group of people, also included children of whom their parents want their children to be the best always. So that their reputation can be maintained & gained the jealousy + praises from others. Keeping their kids a hectic schedule of tuitions, piano classes, swimming classes, computer classes etc etc to ensure they are well equipped. I am wondering.... is this what their kids really want...

I am grateful that i don't have parents who push me / expect me to give the very best in all. It is the surrounding people that i need to go through that kind of pressure...

"hey how's your result Lily? Surely you'll get 4flats coz u r smart."

"wa~ surely ur result is good. Ur parent is the...." (it doesn't go this way ok)

"no wonder u did not apply the job as a tutor,u don't have interest in it i see~ such a waste la ur SPM got all As" (erm...no...it wasn't me, it's my sis..u've mistaken)

"my daughter just went to UK" "that teacher's son is studying medicine" "my daughter got very good result in her STPM" "u know Pn.XXX's daughter get how many As in her..." "Mr.XXX's son is now in Taiwan doing.."...................."& what about u Lily??"

"What about me??" huh~

I may chat along well during these conversations~ but u did not see the hurt in my eyes. The fact is.. im not achieving much... If u have a trophy brother sister but u r the exact opposite of them...i believe no1 likes to be compared & being looked down.....

I never really talk about my past when im in new environment. When i came to Johor, it was a new start. Can't believe my confidence actually (can i say fooled many?) covers the blemishes in my life...some juniors of mine even thought i was in the student representative council... Well~the fact is that... i am NOT what u think guys~ Sorry... if u ever have any expectations from me that i failed to give. I am nothing...

Why there r so many tears in this holiday....huzz.. The inferiority complex wihin me has reappear again... There are too much failures that i could not accept... It just made me a bad testimonial... So many failures.... so many failures.....

NOT gonna give up like this though... no way

Battling within myself....

2010-06-03T00:24:00.006+08:00

I just don't know what to say....

There is this voice inside me.... I always having monologues within my head... Whatever i see, whatever i hear, whatever things that happen, it affects me so strong.... so strong in the heart...

A book that i just read...it just impacts me alot... & i finally see what's happening in my life... The words from the pages, i just read it again & again... my eyes scanned through the words a few times... It's so hard to receive the truth...but the words from this book....it is just so right... it is just so right.... It is just so hard to accept the fact that... & that u realize that u REALLY NEED TO CHANGE....

Ahh~ a lil music will do...

2010-05-31T23:31:00.007+08:00

Tick

Tock

Tick

........

times like this, i hate the tic tok of the clock, the silence of the night, (the snoring of the person next 2u maybe)... u just have to wait for the few hours to past, b4 sunrise.. while u are flipping here & there on the bed... U kept thinking back the incidents & u are afraid that you'll see deja vu again the next day... of past incident... you~ just can't sleep...

turn on d radio~ a lil soothing music will do~

What a Vesak Day woHoOOO~!!

2010-05-28T17:32:00.034+08:00

Yesterday was Malaysia's Vesak Day, public holiday also known as the "Buddha's Birthday", an event celebrated by mostly Buddhists. It was a great day as i were celebrating too! Well~ in a different way haha..

Revisiting Bagan Lalang Beach @Sepang Selangor!!

Still remember that i blogged about this venue 2years back before & here i am again, with much cooler experience..!

It was the 1st time i join a local church for an outing. I still remembered i used to be so annoyed by this bunch of christians trying to approach me last time, but im glad that i was able to mingle well & had awesome hours together at the beach~

In my Hawaian pants & Jakarta white T on, sunglasses & cap not forgetting sun block, after settled down with some yummy meals i headed out together with sis EMay & Aunt Mary for some frisbee game. After a few throw outs, musculour sis Emay threw the frisbee so far that Aunty & i had to chase till the other end to get it. Somehow when we got our frisbee we heard some1 shouting, then we looked around. There was a man holding a baby in his hand with his lil girl standing next to him. That man's feet got stucked under the mud till his knee & he's unmovable. Gosh~ then Aunty & i went over to help out. Just only a few seconds i turned around there i saw Aunty was struggling to balance herself. What the...OMG! The more she struggled the more she was sinking. I quickly went back to help her then WHOOSH!! Both my feet suddenly went underneath2..what the.. i can't move..stucked.. Somehow Aunty was manage to get out & she came over to my side. I was yelling Aunt not to come near me as she is big size & heavy, surely she will fall~ I tried to move my feet but it's getting worse. I felt something sharp underneath the mud, i started to freak out. I looked around, the beach was so far away & Sis Emay just looked @us helplessly...SHIT! I was stuck i did no know what to do..

"No No don't come near me Aunt Mary!"
"Come girl reach out your hand to me"
"No don't come near me! It's ok leave me alone~ call my sis..."

"What r u afraid of, Jesus is with us. We don't have to be afraid. Come girl~ give me your hand"

Her calm voice touched me... She came near to me & i stretched out my hand, she grabbed me tightly with only 1pull she got me out from mud stuck... & she's still standing! Thanks Aunt Mary.. Both of us lost our slippers in the mud though..

You know~ there were many times when we were in bad situation be it when we face obstacles in our works, financial problems or even life threatening situations, we either seek friends, loan sharks or 3rd parties for help & we have forgotten that we have an Almight God up there, around us... things would just be worse if we only fix our eyes on our problems..

there was a victim that fell...

haha just kidding.... d gal above is fake1

When we got back to our picnic site, there was a brother who think that Aunty & I were busy body. We want to help that man but end up both of us being the victims. He told us "Don't bother him la!" You know~ In this kind of situation... as bro sis in God's family, does the word ever exists? Would u still said that to us when both Aunt & I eventually fell underneath while we need help? Situation like this, u may have 2ways to respond. 1 is to turn a blind eye & don't bother, 2 is to try ur every efforts to help. So folks~ which1 are u...

***********************

mud stuck area near the construction site of Golden Palm (d1 like Dubai's Palm Island)

so @d end, the man's wife & other people went to his aid, 1st save the baby then the kid, took some time for the man to dig up though.. I asked the locals is such incidents frequently happen, & the reply yes. Then i started to notice that there were many more victims of mud stuck.. kids teens adults heading to the public toilet wearing their knee length grey stockings (muddy feet)... U know folks... what if there was tsunami & these people got stuck at the mud here... or what if the tide came back to the shore with these people's leg immobile... Back to the man just now, what if the man lost his balance when he struggled & dropped his baby...i doubt if the baby crawl away or just wonder deeper into the mud herself... If u ever have this "Don't bother" attitude...perhaps it's time to change.. u will make a difference~

***********************

Had great time playing baseball & running around the "home" tho i was lousy at hitting the baseball. There was a group of youngsters having fellowship singing "Soraklah hallelujah soraklah hal..." There were also a bunch of good friends came together & had their camp activities. I wish to have this sort of thing too, going backpacking, hiking, adventures with a group too... Ahh~ 28/5/10, a day that i would like to remember~

A Shining Star

2010-05-25T11:09:00.017+08:00

Just visited UMMC,medical centre @Petaling Jaya today.
It was 6.10am, thank God i was able to wake up & i quickly dressed up. I was sitting in the car with my eyes forcefully opened (obviously my eyes were still in sleeping mode). My tummy was growling in hunger & i kept yawning all the way.

*****************

sitting 1 of the seat rows in UMMC waiting area, i looked at the clock, 7am reached & there's already 50 people filled the place. Majority of the crowd were of the old age, & i saw 1Malaysia. I'm glad that i could spend time with . There was then a mid-aged woman came sat next to me. I greeted her with a smile. What's surprise me was that she suddenly asked me "Are u a Christian?" A lil unexpected but amazed i replied, "yes, i am ... " It was a book that she saw in my hands that she recognize me as a believer.

You know~ I really thought of becoming a star that really shines. A star not as celebrity, but a star that when people look at u they see truth in your eyes & a beautiful soul, and they know that you are Christ living testimonial, the light within the darkness... & that's the Star i want to be 1day~

I thank God to have met this Christian lady & we chatted through out the waiting time before blood test. It was fabulous, we had a short sharing & chat together. I felt closed to her somehow. Meanwhile, i would like to introduce you "The Purpose Driven Life : What On Earth Am I Here For?"

A book which gave you thorough ponders about your life. A book which written by Rick Warren, 1 of the best selling ones in history. It touches topic like what drives u in life? Materialism, Guilt, Anger,Fear?? Are u living daily with the same routine, or ur life is currently driving by something u feel that life is meaningless, u don't see the value in it? And as days go by, u just drag on ur days, ur life...wasting ur time perhaps~ When u get to know about the real purpose in your life, there is less complexity & more simplixity. People who do not know their purpose try to do too much, which lead to fatigue, conflict, stress... And knowing that the life on earth is just the preparation for the next, so why bothers all the trophies & stress in life? For what good will it do for people to win the whole world & lose their lives? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? ...... that kind of thing, nice thoughts~

**********************

Moving to the other department of the hospital, erhh strong smell of medication, sick ones everywhere... Saw a boy, paralysed was being carried by his bro onto a wheelchair... You know...sometimes i wonder... friends who always criticize the weak & weirds ones.. How can i afford to laugh when i know the people around me that i love, is 1 of the object of laughter, of my friends...

Just scribbling..

2010-05-19T11:56:00.002+08:00

Back at hometown now.. It's already the 3rd day in this week, n i have not started out my plan from the schedule. Not satisfied with my progress huh~ This 1 month holiday's theme is still making a difference, it's just added "with all your heart".

1 thing i need during this time, is discipline. 2nd, courage. Huh.. grace would be that extra strength to make way for me, need time, need wisdom...

I don't want to leave my hometown without any change, without any fruits, without any difference.. huh...

~Indonesia Through My Eyes~

2010-05-17T03:17:00.050+08:00

It was a great opportunity for me to join an academic trip to Indonesia with my fellow coursemates from 9th-14th May 2o10. Below are the records of my 5days journey.

Every special occasions, insidents ; Every minute that inspired me. . . INDONESIA THROUGH MY EYES~

Day 1 [09/05/10 - Jakarta]
Indonesian time 11.30pm Reached Soekarno-Hatta International Airport, Jakarta.

Day 2 [10/05/10 - Jakarta]
We set off early in the morning. All through the journey in bus, my eyes were captured by the view through the window pane. The magnificient buildings with fine structures & different elements used that made them so unique. The masterpieces of every statues & great arts were fascinating. The architectural design of each classy residence shown its characteristics of European style, so cozy so wonderful.

The bus was moving fast, I could not capture every perspective of the building & scenic view in time.

Reached Badan Pertanahan Nasional (Nasional Land Agency), Jakarta. Morning tea break & lunch were served with a variety of delicious local delicacies.

Buffet style lovely!

Masakan Padang is 1 of the themed dishes

LARASITA (Layanan Rakyat untuk Sertifikasi Tanah) that provides facilities for mobile land services.

Dinner with Ai Ling & Tsuey after a night stroll along the food stalls. Food include: choc fried banana with cheese, mie rebus, fried rice, beef sate served with curry gravy, choc toast bread, keropok snack.
ahh~~ finger licking good!!

Day 3 [11/05/10 - Jakarta]

Visited Badan Koordinasi Penanamn Modal (The Coordinating Board for Investment)

Had our lunch @scenic Pulau Dua Seafood Market Restaurant.

After lunch, we visited Badan Pendidikan dan Pelatihan Keuangan (Tax Education & Training Centre).

On the streets of Indonesia you will find there are lots of MPVs. Majorities are from big families & those who own nice MPV is the opulent one. Toyota Avanza is a hot there & black colour vehicles are a common sight.

Besides, Taksi (taxicabs) in their Toyota Limo (a lower spec of Toyota Vios) is a common sight on the streets.

Day 4 [12/05/10 - Bandung]

Visited Universitas Padjajaran (Unpad), Bandung. Attended a seminar of International Asset & Valuation Management at Unpad.

Got the chance to chat with Jasan Vana, a Malaysian student who studies Medical at Unpad. Got to listen more of the insights of the lifestyle & studying in Indonesia. Awesome~

Bandung is the centre of textile industry in Indonesia. You can see factory outlets everywhere with great branded outfits to shop for at affordable price! Dropped by Rumah Mode, Bandung’s biggest factory outlet. You can get an Armani Exchange shirt for about 100 000 Rupiahs (about RM35) at Rumah Mode. Cool~

As the day started to rain, motorcyclist parked their vehicles aside forming a long row beside the traffic to take out & wore their raincoats. It reminded me to be ever ready anywhere anytime. Rain drops on the window, lights on the streets, feeling cooling in the bus, soothing music played on, I have fell in love with this land of Indonesia..

Day 5 [13/05/10 - Bandung]

Had breakfast at Wisma Tut Wuri. Boy~ I really enjoy sipping tea in the morning like this, with the weather so cooling in this high land of Bandung. I just love the aroma of the tea, so warm, so nice hmm~

After check-out, we move to destination Tangkuban Penghulu volcano. On the way through up the hills, it reminded me of the green patch of Cameron Highlands in Malaysia. With the cooling weather, sunlight shined upon the land, it was such a breathtaking scene.

(VIDEO)

It was a good trade up there at Tangkuban Penghulu. So many beautiful handicrafts, souvenirs, accessories, outfits at very low prices. Once u take out your money to have a buying deal, there will be traders surrounding you in seconds, & some even following you wherever you go to nego for the dealings.

The last section of the video clip, that particular scene was kinda touched me. After these young kids were chased out by the bus conductor, they crossed over back to the streets & divided the money collected to the other kids. If 1 earns, 1 shares & take cares of the others.

You can truly see the vast gap between the rich & poor in Indonesia. The rich dominates, own huge cars huge buildings while the poor living in scarcity at squatters under the bridge & side road. Traders walking around selling in the middle of the busy roads daily, hopping onto bus to cars that pass by wishing to earn for a living. There was a kid about 5-7years old, holding an infant in his 1 hand in the middle of the busy road at night, looking up onto our bus window, extending his other hand to ask for money. We witnessed the scene together & concerned both of the children’s safety. When u took out your wallet at a market, there will be either an old lady or a young kid extending hand to you….

If u r that 1 soul, would u learn to appreciate ur current life better~

Dropped by lecturer Dr. Tono's residence for dinner. Sir played us a wonderful song.

Day 6 [14/05/10 - Jakarta]

Visited Monas (National Monument), at Central Jakarta.

Monas Tower

My 6.20pm flight, landed in Malaysia at 10pm Malaysia time.

I say it was an eye opening journey to Indonesia, I appreciate every minute every second building up the friendship between my coursemates & i, recording every incidents through the view of my eyes~

Surviving Through the Niagara Fall

2010-03-15T07:58:00.016+08:00

When i did not sleep for days, when i got tired, i realized hey.. i am a workaholic just like him..

A tits n bits of my life updates here~

Man~ this month is just a hell lot of assignments & test that's making me crazy alright!

To be frank, i have a body just like a smoker does...

When that day, i realized my heartbeat is abnormally slow, my chest was suppressed, i was trying to grasp for air, i had a picture that my life is not going to exceed 70 years old. The other day when i bump into my neighbour Kjune all dressed up for a workout, she asked me hey why not for a jog? I just laugh out loud in my heart. That is just so not me turning away from exercise. And that hit me, pondering in my mind.. my body is no difference from a smoker, except that i don't have nicotine & toxic as much as them. Replaced with caffeine perhaps?

There were many times i adopt alternate sleep in my life. I can just be infront of my laptop for more than 15 hours, stayed whole night all day awake until the next morning straight to class then come back again and open my laptop again for assignments, paper works etc. I have short breaks like go wash my clothes, toilet break, FB break etc.. And the next day after class, activities & shower i can just straight away sleep for 10 hours replacing back my lost-sleep the day before. So this cycle kept repeating itself. I pant alot when i climb the stairs, i easily got tired when my body is in wrong sitting position. I realized i am a bad living testimonial~ I really thank all the people who constantly remind me to eat, sleep n take care. I'm... learning to take care of myself.

I miss the times when i woke up early in the dawns to jog in TARC hostel. And i know im not too late to start rebuild my body as temple of the holy spirit, & to start my jogging life again.

You know folks~

i've decided to learn back mandarin. I remembered there was 1 time i went to a clothing store asking for a "三角裤"(underwear) that puzzled that worker lady which was very obvious it doesn't sold there. I was actually looking for 七分裤 (3 quarter pants). I was mistaken 3 quarter pants as 三角裤 because of the "3". I remembered many great times my friends & I had a great laugh & fun over my mistakes in mandarin. But also, at the same time I remembered it was a chinese teacher that despise my mandarin in class that had led me into hating & rejecting chinese language so much. Many people even thought i was a "banana"(non chinese-ed). Well not anymore folks, because im going back to learning mandarin!!

So far, life is getting more exciting & challenging now!! I had certain minor breakthroughs in life but i'm preparing for the greater ones & learning to survive through the Niagara Fall!! O hail The Days!! Rise me up!

Good day folks~ Peace

MADness in this "Huat" CNY

2010-02-22T12:58:00.015+08:00

Who has gained weight during this Chinese New Year raise up ur hand!!!

Oh boy~ this year CNY is truly amazingly different & HOT!

Hey folks, how is your CNY craze been like?! did u injured ur muscle from stretching your hands too often to receive angpau? Gain/lost in gambling? How's the reunion with friends & family? Saved any yummy food for me? ^^ what about those who did not celebrate CNY, went to any open house for mahjong session, non-stop eat chat etc.?

With all the fireworks, visitation, food, red angpaus, "yee sang", gathering....what a "HUAT" CNY!!! (Huat=prosper in Hokkien)

Geez.. all these MADness of Making A Difference in this CNY.. How's my CNY week been like? Well...i would say it's indeed a special one this year. I did not really celebrated CNY but i did manage to visit my relatives & grandpa to have some reunion. You know~ it's all about being initiative in this CNY. The thing is, it is only during CNY that relatives, friends & family gather together and it is a good time to mend & build relationships together.

When we all gather together it's a norm for us to do our own stuff, eat our thing or just hang around with people we are comfortable with say our parents, or little children that we used to play with. Sometimes when you never know what a conversation you'll indulge in when u just take a little courage to speak out and have sharing together~

Wow~ what a CNY this year~! I've been doing something i don't usually do & never did before. Such a different week! hopes & expectations somehow just reviewed to me at the very last minute. God is just so real...

I gained another confidence in this CNY, at the same time.. i've realized another thing as well...A broken relationship..... There was gap, there was heat..there was ignorance.. there was silence... Is it i have changed that made u all feel uncomfortable? Or is it just that u don't like..... Hard time but hell ya~ i'm still holding on His promises. This just requires patience.. and be still

That morning, i took a stroll at the park with my dog for some fresh air. What a quiet morning. The unusual of cars parked bumper-to-bumper along the road, most probably all city slickers and country man came back for CNY. I saw a pair of mid-aged couple had their morning walk. I saw teenagers wearing all new going out for visitation. I saw a man at the park n i said "morning". How u made some1's day brightened up just a simple greeting in the park, has made my day shine too...though i do not that man in my neighbourhood. Sitting on that bench to have my thoughts, eventhough things doesn't turn out fine in this CNY, but i'm feeling grateful enough for all the surprises,unexpectations & hope reviewed to me when i prayed for 2nd chance.. I've done things that i never done before in this CNY,& it took me hell lot of courage.. "Huat" on the outside, but i'm feeling "huat" in the inside. When i looked back the week, how i experience this divine greatness..i'm just thankful.. & it just echoed in my head.... "u n b e l i e v a b l e"

It is either Hallelujah or Oh Shit!

2010-02-05T17:29:00.004+08:00

If u r a believer, have u ever hated God so much??

The past few days of mine were a super lousy one alright~
When u r in times of difficulties, everything just turn out unsmooth for you. U shouted for God’s help, u were hoping that somehow these mess would just turn out fine but no.. it turns out even worse..or I shall say, hopeless..

You know, the past few days were kinda negative for me. I even blamed the church for producing a weak-me. Can’t believe I’ve become so emotional easily & worse I even shed tears in my class. How I used to condemn myself so much for any stupid mistakes I made, or the mess that I created… until a level I stand up again the next day growing stronger than before. But now it seems like this method has no longer working, the more I condemn, the more I was hurt. My heart was once made of rock, but now it seems that it has transform into glass, so fragile. I remembered a friend of mine once said “A leader should not cry”. But one thing I know is that, the word of God has transform me into another person, my once hardened heart was unlocked, & it now speaks the truth more, being transparent & sophisticated. Cry doesn’t mean u are a weakling.

There are many times when things doesn’t turn out what u r expected, usually it’s our habit to point our fingers to others, blaming others’ for their fault for the mess. How my past few days been like? Ha... the hatred within me towards myself & God, is a pain alright~ The past 2weeks I thought I’m gonna be ok, but trying to cover things up is just a bad move. U know that soon u’ll just explode.

That night I couldn’t sleep, I sketched out the many aspects of my problems & how grateful I am to see a bigger picture of my current situation, & solve it straight away. I realized it doesn’t involve God, church & people coz the problems lies within myself. I found that I’m lacking of a thankful heart. Talk about counting each blessing, if I treat a particular trouble/problem with a thankful heart, I believe it will become a blessing. Looking back, I thank God for how He has brought me this far.

Meanwhile, I want to thank those who laid hands on me to pray for my health yesterday night. I was kinda surprise that my feverish headache can just disappear after a short 30mins nap. No medicine involved! Usually it takes at least 1 day for me to recover. It was the 1st time I claim healings in Jesus’ Name. You restore my faith towards you again! I appreciate it

When u r in trouble times, it is either Hallelujah or Oh Shit~

Pss~ u know wat? Going for the 1st one is way more better.. Good day folks

The Silence of The Lily Pads

2010-01-26T10:07:00.008+08:00

Croak Croak~ Where has all the frogs & toads been...
............................
...................
..........

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Today when i was walking back to ma house after class, i couldn't help but notice the dead frogs on the road. It's not that the smell & sight of the dead bodies were too conspicous, but i do always walk with my head bow down looking at the floor just so that i won't step on any shit (just to clarify i'm not trying to look for money on the floor). I'll call it a humble walk~

It's normal to see roadkills of snails, frogs, ants, mice.... Disgusting~

But all in a row, the day before, my friends n i saw the smashed body of a bird on the road. And the next day, i saw the four bodies of the dead frogs looking completely splat on the roads, lying around with short distance between each other...

Does these mean anything to you folks?

You know~ this somehow gives me a sign & reminder to cherish life. Do you know that every minute we are so close to death? What if right at that 1 minute we are not alert of the surrounding of our mistakes enough... You could just have lost in touch with your love ones forever~

Life is always full of spices, it can be fun & fruitful at the same time, if you know how to take care of yourself & the surrounding people~

The silence of the Lily Pads....
Where has all the frogs & toads been~

when i woke up...

2010-01-11T05:40:00.005+08:00

Have u ever had a bad night sleep the day before with hurtful words kept repeating in your mind...And u woke up in the morning feeling so tired with your swollen eyes... U feel like smashing the mirror when u see your own reflection... U felt useless..

Hey folks, how had your past few days of new year been~

I admit it was great in the beginning.. with my fiery spirit & passion for this 2010...but seems like things started to fall again while i just started to build up a new life this year...

Guilt... can just kill me inch away..in a very short time if im not careful enough... Sometimes i used to think where was the strength that i used to have...

I've become weaker n weaker why... Some people said i've changed~ Some people said i've become softer.. Where was the lion reflection that i used to see when i looked in the mirror... It's getting blurer & losing its image.. Is the mirror being deceitful or im just imagining stuff all these while...

The moment i started to have hopes & aims again... things started to go down the drain... I realized i screw things up & trying to fix it right. Things started to get complicated when guilt throngs me... i hate myself for being so useless...

I understand that not every morning will be a new day. Lack of faith & security for what's ahead.. im so afraid that i will repeat the deja vu in 2009's unpleasant incident. "Lost" is a word enough to weaken me... but can i believe that tomorrow it WILL be a better day~

n i want to believe that...

The Mental Strength Game

2009-12-24T01:05:00.006+08:00

When u say u wanna change ur inner being, when u say u wanna strike for a higher goal next year! When u say u wanna quit smoking, when u say u wanna have a breakthrough! When u vowed for a something...

Welcome to the Mental Strength Game!

Have u ever made a promise or set a goal that u said you WILL fulfill it but it never works? ok u can talk about your last year resolutions! You know, when u plan a goal/new year resolution, u will at least have a guide line for your future. People may say "hey just follow the flow man", but if im not careful enough, would i go after the wrong route? If u think that new year resolution is not going to work any way, that is because u urself believe it that way perhaps~ Talk loud, WALK THE TALK LOUD! i'm trying to play the mental strength game!

Hey~ new year is coming, have u get yourself prepared for your new aim?

You know, when i make vows/promises, there are always struggles in defeating your enemies. There will be ALOT of temptations to lead u out from these promises. And these temptations are your greatest enemies, thus your stumbling blocks. It's like the work of a devil who is encouraging you to give up when you are trying to reach the goals.

You wanna excel in your studies? beat the devil! You wanna change yourself & have a good breakthrough? Defeat the enemies!

Next semester is starting & im leaving back to Johor soon. Honestly, this time the new semester is going to be a different & a tough one. And i'm afraid that i couldn't make it through. I really need this mental strength to hang on, persevere & keep to my promise! Breakthrough~ and i shall see it coming!

Saisaki Japanese Buffet

2009-12-23T21:00:00.014+08:00

Looking for japanese cuisine for a bon appétit satisfaction?

Here's a place to begin your day with!

Saisaki Japanese Buffet Restaurant situated @Wisma UOA II, Jalan Pinang, K.L.

A hangout spot for japanese food lovers that keeps them off their chair for another rounds!

Frankly speaking, there are so much varieties of food over here at Saisaki! Dim Sum, western cuisine, fresh cold assorted ice creams, fruits & veggies, desserts, sushis, assorted drinks, soup varieties, italian cuisine, oriental cuisine... You name it! They are HALAL~ Sorry not much photos here coz my hands were busy grabbing food hehe..You gotta spend a few secs in front of the serving trays to think which food to go with~ If u want chicken, u want it steam, jap way of cooking, stew, fried or what. If u want fried rice, u want kimchi fried rice, garlic fried rice or.... get what i mean? The only frustration is that you can't try ALL after your tummy loaded with food!

Price for Buffet Lunch [12nn-2.30pm] (Adult) :

Mon-Fri -> RM43 ++ / Weekends+hols -> RM48++

Price for Buffet Dinner [6.30-10.30pm](Adult) :

Mon-Fri -> RM 58++ / Weekends+hols -> RM60++

Saisaki @UOA is having promotion (16-31/12/09) 15% or 25% off, depends if u r going for lunch/dinner on weekdays.

Frankly speaking, this place is quite a hit! So u better book a place (603 2166 3728) before u come! Have a great lips-smacking moments folks! Cheers~

Surpirse Surprise

2009-12-22T18:46:00.009+08:00

after coming home late, with all the headache, shoulder & muscle ache, i can't deny the feeling of being surprise after a long tiring day to find a lovely package on the table.

哇~ 几亲爱！^^
lovely sweethearts ehehe

Thank u so much for all the effort in creating this memory for me. It was awesome & lovely :)

untitled

2009-12-20T00:07:00.004+08:00

i hate u...

this is the only world that i can think of...

shattered by ur coldness towards me,

im hurt...

so eager n excited in looking towards certain occasions

yet ur every actions have shown it...

im disappointed...

i wanna hate u but

i juz can't...

Alone On This Chair...

2009-12-16T20:28:00.011+08:00

It was the first time i chat with my grandpa...

***********************

U know~ when i was young, whenever there were visitors came over to our house, i would just pick up my legs as fast as i could to hide from them. I was feeling so shy to face those strangers... Whenever i went for overnights staying at grandpa's, i would just hide in the room. Lunch/dinner time, i finished my bowl of rice quickly so that i was not left with the relatives on the same dining table feeling akward. I hardly talk to my grandpa except for "gong gong eat"(公公吃饭) & "Gong Xi Fa Cai" during CNY.

U know~ i believe many of us would just have a slight groan whenever we are going to visit grandma/grandpa coz it'll be so boring. No wireless, no facebook, no entertainment. Yep~ just chickens & spiders to play with..

It was an increadible time for me to chat with grandpa for the 1st time during the recent 3D2N stay @grandpa's, though i was struggling to speak Hakka language with him. There were many "alone moments" with only grandpa & me at the dining table, living room in front of TV & in the early morning with him reading newspapers and me lying on the sofa next to him observing the life of a grandpa. Hey~ i find that i started to like my grandpa..

Life as an old man/widow..
Have u~ ever wonder what is it like to sit on that chair of loneliness when u grow old..?

U wake up in the dawn, u go out to have drinks with your old chaps at the same coffee shop every morning, same routine. All the old chaps hang around & talk about world issues, lives, gossips, backache, sickness.... U go back home to have a rest, watch TV, cook meals, and u go back to the same old chair again...

U know.. it's good to equip ourselves with all sort of knowledge & skills since we still have time...say music~ so that we could at least strum the guitar & sing play when we enter old age without depending much on technology or just sit on that old chair...

***************************

That night the picture of my late grandma was in my mind & the next morning i bumped into her friend when i was walking my dog in the morning. I had a chat with her, applying the "aunty style of talking" that i have learnt lately. We talked about everything, dogs, financial crisis, weather, works, regrets, my family, her family, her life.... Aunty is having difficulties in walking. Doctor said that she needs about RM5K for an operation but she just shrug off with the reason what's the use to spend so much on operation wherereas she has reach the "age".. She can't go far from her house, she can't climb the stairs either...

Alone on this rocking chair....

Witnessing

2009-12-09T11:05:00.005+08:00

I love to hop onto public transportation compared to a private vehicle. The difference? is that i get to approach larger numbers of people compared to a limited space of contact inside the car. Ya i know the butt-rubbing & shoulder-knocking situation inside the LRT, Rapid KL bus etc. Because that is the only people would imagine if i mention "public transportation". People would just prefer to save the hassle, enjoy the air-cond & get2 listen to hitz.fm instead of cheaper tickets to their destination. Believe it or not, each time when i take public transportation i would be more alert & observative compared to me fast-falling asleep in the car not realizing/having any sense of direction of where am i.

The last sunday i went to meet up with friends to have a quick hangout. Boy KTM was so ... NOT PUNCTUAL & NOT ORGANIZED! Due to 1 door that was stucked open, the train cannot proceed to the next destination. Good thing i was not able 2get into the train with so many people stampeding through the entrance. There are people helping to push & shut the door. So basically the door was open, close, open & close again in repeat. It was quite funny enjoying the scene of jammed packed people going in and out of KTM trying to beat the speed of the door just to get a breath outside & go in again. Anyway i was totally late *sorry guys~~

All through the journey through public transportation, i get to see many lives out there.. i get 2witness happenings~ I witness the LOVE of a couple in mid age inside the KTM. The protection from the man towards his lady, the closeness they share & laughter is just so sweet. I witness the CARE from a man whom i thought is a "big brother" (hak seh wui dai lou) 黑社会老大 when he was having a friendly talk to an old woman. I too witness a group of PASSIONATE youths full of joy & hope going around inviting people to their church for X-mas celebration. N i witness a YOUNG GIRL, with fair skin in spaghetti strap & pants so short that reviewed her sexy legs. My~ she is so beautiful when she smiles. I bet she's just 15 years old~ Hmm kind of waste that she's hanging around with the boys there, as if her actions has shown a slutty style..

Witnessing the good, witnessing the bad.

Sometimes i don't wish to just become a witness but to be witnessed by others!

Just like the light of a candle, being lit from one to one.

And i want to be the one who is lighting the candle, passing on the lights~

and this shall be the greatest witness!

Aunty Talk

2009-12-07T22:27:00.009+08:00

You know~ sometimes i wish to become an aunty. It's not that i want to own the aunty hairstyle, aunty attire & typical aunty way of doing things with their elbow up in the air & pinky sticking out that type. What i meant is the aunty who knows how to talk!

Aunty talks alot especially gossips. Many times whenever im with an aunty how i wish that i could be like one & talk like them so that i could fit into the conversation! It's no fun just listening to aunt talks, with me only nodding my head & smile, reply "haha", "yee yup", "uh-huh" & so on.. That's because i've no idea how to reply them.

This noon while i was doing my work, aunt told me that i have to be extra careful when choosing a boyfriend. Talk about BGR (boy girl relationship), im linking this topic to the plight of a mother as well. A mother can be very protective towards their children & it breaks the mother's heart if their children disobey or perhaps disown them.. Which mom never wants their kids to grow up to be successful? When aunt mentioned about her daughter, i can just feel the heavy disappointment in her.. The plight of a mother when her daughter screw things up @young age, had a baby & faced marriage failure when things turn out ugly. Her daughter is same age with me,21st. I feel what she feels but i just couldn't come out with a single encouragement word but just nod my head & smile in stupidity, i was so lame!

Why parents are being so protective?

It's because they don't want us to screw up in life (or somebody else life) as it has no turning back. Still remember when we were in our teenage "aggressive rebellious" stage? On how we use to argue our freedom rights? On how we shouted to them, throwing things around or perhaps fought with them just to stayover at "friend's" place for a night or getting an approval to hangout till 4am in the morning? You know... every night you came home so so late that their voices screaming at you that reached about 120 decibel, in their hearts u have no idea how terrified & worried they are, imagining the "accidental pregnancy", elope case, driving in influence(drug/drunk) etc etc..

Have u ever felt that ur parents are pushing u to inherit their experience/skills?

Why dad call daughters to fix the water pipes, make cement, do drillings, fix the lights, jack the car & fix tyres etc etc.. That's boys jobs isnt' it.. He wants us to be handyman. So that we will not be too dependent on man. In case we face marriage failure in future, we are still able to be survive.

Ahh~ aunty talk..

If i master aunty style of talking, i learned how to talk like sales man too..

& definitely i would not have empty topics to chat with clients

Aunty talks~ They talk everything..

The 3 Stages In Life

2009-12-05T10:46:00.002+08:00

Talk about the 3 stages in LIFE:

(i) Teen age -> HAVE Time + Energy but NO $$

(ii) Working age -> HAVE $$ + Energy but NO Time

(iii) Old age -> HAVE Time + $$ but NO Energy

When we were young we had abundance of time+energy to play & excitement.

When we venture into the working world, we have no time but to work & work which lead us into a workaholic, everyday trying to after the 3Gs in life (Gold, Glory, Girls/Guys), and some may end up clearing the continuous debts of car loans, house loans & overuse of the plastic card..

When we reach old age, by then we only realize how regretful that we have wasted half of our lives pursuing something which are temporary & perhaps not worth it?

Life~ Is that all?

If you are complaining that life is boring.. perhaps u should take a deep look into your lives.. Is there any loopholes that leads to meaningless in life~

Life~ it can be so fragile & it can be so strong so fruitful at the same time..

Let's cherish life to the fullest~

Recalling back my semester

2009-12-05T08:28:00.008+08:00

This semester is ending alright..

Looking back, i have went through a lot of struggles in my faith, my works, my studies, and with the people around me. Many tough times for me to balance between activities and my resting hour. I wanna thank those who have concerned of my health, helped delivered food to me & reminded me to sleep. I felt greatful to have you all.

One thing i learned from this semester is accepting challenge. Dare to accept challenges in life and dare to face its consequences ahead. 2ndly learning to give chances to others. Sometimes, a slide door of opportunities for some1 can be that person's hope & turning point in life. Thirdly, LOVE is the message I received & learned.

LOVE can be so pure. It does not boast, it keeps no records of wrongs. It is not self-seeking yet it rejoices with the truth. LOVE always protects, always trusts, always hopes, & always perseveres. N that is LOVE!

Here~ check out the photos below. It was taken at the Putrajaya International Convention Centre (PICC). This Malaysia National Conventioin & Global Conference that i've just attended 26-29/11/09, was truly meaningful & worthy which has changed my direction of life!

May the new semester be a GREAT one!!

Have a FAB HoLiDaYzSS!!

2009-11-24T23:20:00.006+08:00

Hey hey guys & gals!! Have a F-A-B-U-LOUS hoLidays!!

Have you planned your holidays well folks~

What's on your mind this Friday night~

A fabulous night at T.G.I. Friday's? What's your plan these weekdays~ Crashing the dance floor on Ladies Night @Zouk? Or going anywhere somewhere special this weekend? Say hit the beach for a lovey dovey romantic sunset dinner & party through the night? Oh ya~ it's F-A-B-olous alright!

You know i do really looking towards this end of semester break. Looking for a time to spend my days with family, hangout with friends and have some fun! Too bad time is just so short that i have to give up some of the plans now. My supposingly 1month+ holidays turn out to me is only just 2weeks+ holidays. Much works are going on that my schedule each day is just sufficiently nice to use. Here's my plan for this holiday in making myself changed for good this time:

1) master+upgrade my english language

2) update myself on current issues

3) drink at least 1L of water a day

4) sharing+quality time together with my family

5) learn to cook some nice dishes

6) read the bible

7) get at least 6 hours sleep a day

8) hangout with friends

9) finish all paper works

10) walk my dog/jog/exercise at least X2 a day

11) read/write/blog

12) shop (till drop? haha not)

13) practice guitar

14) travel (if possible)

15) hit the beach to see leng zhai (ehe..juz kid.. how i wish though! haha)

just look @d list, it's kinda boring i know..but im talking about getting off that couch n do something meaningful.. hey making a difference in 2weeks time~ challenging yet satisfied! Now folks, let me ask u

what is the value u c in this holiday~

Do u c the value of this holiday..

I say let's make this holiday a special 1 yay~

Have a fruitful yet fabulous holidays folks!!

Enjoy~

Do you have a PLAN B in life?

2009-11-16T13:00:00.008+08:00

Dear folks, do you ever have a backup plan in your life?

Have you thought of preparing for the worst when expectations come & ruin your life?

Come to think about it, hey~ u r so smart, u r creator of inspirations & u r in the Top A list. What if.. What if suddenly you have gone bozo at the age of 30, after a day of discovery that u have cancerous cells developed from a malign tumour eating up your brain. Brain dysfunction... you gotta forget your dreams in working with Donald Trump now..

Or what if you are 1 of the many victims in the job retrenchment after an economy downturn. What's your future hold for you professor? Even you have the highest qualification perhaps you might wanna consider applying for odd jobs instead of high ranking positions in big companies.

What if then,

if you realized that your partner is not able to function when you 2 were actually trying for a baby girl~ Yet you do not have the financial ability to adopt a child or 5 digits US Dollars to opt for test tube baby. Hmm..your future is not what you think as romantic & perfect as you've planned. What's next~ Plan B.. you cheat him. (Or u still hold on to that promised ring on your finger?Open daycare centres perhaps?)

Also,

What about the Plan B if 1 day u woke up in the ward found out that both of your legs have been amputated due to an unexpected car accident u had the night before? You were 1 step closer in securing a place in Stardom, becoming the next most successful stage dancer or football player etc. You are loosing your source of income man..the source of driven spirit that drives you in life. It just like a singer who lost her voice, a model who lost her beauty..

U know what got me into writing this post.. is that I've felt that im losing the ability to write. I'm losing the inspirations to write. And writing is what i love to do. I love creative writings & i wanna go for more in career. Come to imagine about it, what if im currently in this line & i've lost the driving spirit to continue on, surely my career is over. N perhaps i'll just go for a PLAN B, a plan that is more challenging to drive me on in life.

The storm is here, have you prepared for your Plan B..

When A Mother Lost Hold of Her Child

2009-11-13T08:01:00.007+08:00

//*** a toddler of naivety has ran out of her mommy's safe cocoon, and when the mother got lost hold of her own child, things can be disastrous when the child is away far away from a guide when her mom is nowhere to be seen. The little girl might be hit by a reckless driver, got abused by kidnappers, got swallowed by humongous beast if she wander into the woods.....When a mother lost hold of her child, things can be misguided for that little child ***//

Talk about lost in direction when you do not have a compass or knowledge in constellation to lead you a way when you are alone in the wilderness. Huh.. how scary can that be if you imagine the worse? You know,when it comes to abstract on what you are most fear of.. some people may afraid of loneliness until a level he/she is too desperate for a partner to get his/her pants off, while some people may afraid of authority. As for me? "lost" would be the word disastrous enough when you are not able to recognize the world around you.

People says you are one time uglier when you are in distress. Well..u r not smiling, the eyebacks, the tensions on your face...ya perhaps thats true. Well then...do u notice im losing my colours on my face~ if you see me stop smiling 1 day..it is also the time i appreciate if u remember me in your prayer.

On 2nd thought, you know~ it is so encouraging when you went through a verse that gave you the spike up spirit to tell you to persevere on~ Rom 8:25-27 n that is the verse i shall held upon. I had a short vision yesterday before going for my exam. In this vision, i see myself laying my hands upon you in that desire to heal you. I see myself holding one another's hand and in this vision, i see the picture of me speaking boldly & powerfully with you all. **Do you know that i have been praying for you these while? Do you see that sparkle in my eyes to heal you eventhough we hardly spoke to each other.. I really want to have that courage.. Do u know i have this anxiety for you 13.15.13

Wanna apologize for the people around if i've annoyed you with my indecisive attitude these days. You wanna know what makes me change my mind over time? You'll never know..coz you'll never understand. There are more than just a reason & i hope you'll respect my intention & decision @the end.

I don't wish to be the target

in the wilderness..

Voices of A Hypocrite

2009-10-20T05:44:00.006+08:00

U know.. I always get fed up with people acting holy in front of me. More precisely im talking about christians. How can some1 goes to church each sunday praise the Lord, have holy moments with the saints in church and yet talk bullsh*ts, plan revenge plot, harm others and do devil's work to the people around him AND STILL ABLE to pray, act holy and saying thank god/god bless you in front of u. This is sick! Such a hypocrite~

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Talk about hypocrite.. Am i qualified to comment on that person?

Thinking back, hey what about me..

I too wearing a mask in the church. Why can't i just admit that i'm a christian after joining christianity this year.I felt more happy and freer when i was a free thinker. i've reached boiling point again as i am not able to fool myself any longer to believe in something that i don't believe in. . Before deciding to leave christianity, i gave myself a chance again.

It's really hard living a life as a hypocrite. People don't see the real u & u have to hide yourself. But 1 year's of endurance is really a worthy period to come until this far. As i've encountered many things in this Aug, Sept & Oct. I really have alot of things to share to bloggie but i just couldn't due to my hectic schedules. The change of faith after the amazing things that happened in my life eversince the prayers that i've made. The security that i've felt when i was alone during holidays in the hostel after few days the night before my housemate saw the existence of super natural entity flew pass her window. The amazing things when i prayed so hard for my dog to be alive when she was dying that time. The extra strength i felt after few days of 2-4 hours sleep. The sudden inspiration that i have when i pray for wisdom. The ability to laugh & smile eventhough i was tired. I just felt so amazed by the power of the prayers made & security. 1 day, 2 months or half year.... would not get me into this far.. It's all about perserverance whilst it took me 1 year's time..

Can i share these out? that i really want to stop being a hypocrite. Can i say that i love u, u & u? coz I can't stop fooling myself that i really felt comfortable being with u guys. U have let me see the value of true friendship & acceptance. U have let me move freely in an environment that doesn't require me to strike for perfectionism which is very tiring. I couldnt' deny that i've learned alot of things through this 1 year period. How interesting & weird @d same time when i first saw u'll still able to be joyful & relax eventhough occurs last minute panicking-moment or have to submit assignment the next early morning eventhough progress still below 50%.

U know wat.. I think i've just found a new purpose in life.. *grin*

Voices of a hypocrite.. i no longer want to be

My birthday My Akward Day

2009-10-01T01:42:00.009+08:00

B.I.R.T.H.D.A.Y.~

how much do u value one's.. or perhaps your own birthday?

Kids want Daniel Radcliffe or Zac Efron to be at their Sweet16 birthday bash.

Reaching age 21, you want a golden key as your birthday gift.
In future, you want your hun to sweep you off to Hawaii for 1 month's honeymoon vacation 4ur bday...............

So~ how much do u value your own birthday? What are the "must-haves" in a birthday celebration~ Is there any rules stating that cake & present are the main element? It's not the rules that say so but perhaps the culture says so~

Some says the more gifts you received from your birthday, the more popular you are among your circle of friends. Some disagree but when it comes to the number of blessings you received, it means how popular you are among your groups of friends.

You know, i do wonder how important is a birthday~ People from all over the countries celebrate birthday every year in remembrance of the day that he was borned. Compare celebration for yearly birth & success, which one weigh more in terms of worthiness? Celebration in remembrance of all the hard work that you have gone through, the feeling of satisfaction after a success is indeed a true celebration!

*********************

I am that kind of person who doesn't know how to response towards a compliment.

I am also that kind of person who will easily feel akward when it comes to my birthday.

Learning to accept compliments & gifts with a grateful thanks, i would like to thank all friends who have helped me celebrate my birthday, who have presented me gifts, who have presented me the lovely card & those who have blessed me so much in SMS, emails, fb msgs, songs & calls. The bag is awesome, the cakes are nice, the dress is femininely nice, n the card is super awesome.... i love them all.

As simple as just a msg, your every words every blessings to me is already my greatest gifts. I treasure every efforts made in writing & typing out that extra words to encourage me in life. Best regards from me to all of you. Cheers~

Is Beauty A Power??

2009-09-23T17:17:00.005+08:00

Have u ever use your charm before? You know.. when u want something so much that you are using your attractiveness to get that one thing or perhaps more~

In this context, beauty here refers to the gratifying feature of your physical appearance.

So~ Is Beauty A Power??

Say

Whenever u r in a pub or simply just an open-air restaurant, n ask for a lighter. Have u ever experience the different treatment when

a) somebody just throw over the lighter 2u, comparing to

b) passing the lighter gently 2u with a charming smile? Perhaps showing off his cute dimple?
Well these are the effects when u show your charm to the opposite sex and showing none at all.

Say

When u can't finish your assignment or a given task by ur boss, n u just show your charming cutie look to a male colleague of yours who admires u, (n perhaps with your most sexy or loveliest outfit on), trying to pursue him into helping you to get your work done. And what do u know? He says yes why not~

When u want something so much..

Say

U r a big fan of Black Eyed Peas (B.E.P.) & u r dying to meet them @Sunway Lagoon Malaysia. Too bad u r in a tight budget this month but hey u suddenly thought of a friend who is working in Lagoon as a pool boy. Bingo! A free ticket entry to see B.E.P.! Hah! so u try ur very best & charm to flaunt & flirt with him, trying to coax him into helping u. And hey~ u enjoyed the concert very much at the end.

Even kids know how to use their charms as well... when they wanna get their toys, barbies, sweets etc..

People says beauty is beneficial~ If u r beautiful u can get whatever u want most of the time.

Is it true folks? Eventhough i would say that 80% of the people will fall into a beauty's hand by his/her charm or attractiveness, i personally don't agree much with this statement.

So..

What do u say?

Is Beauty A Power?

When it comes to EUTHANASIA, it is always a sensitive topic...

2009-09-17T12:32:00.011+08:00

I woke up late again this morning... was suppose to finish up my works before dawn.. hazz~~
Feeling dreadful in this beautiful morning, with the weather so cool n fine, i'm feeling the grieve inside me.. I forced myself to get dressed to prepare myself to campus, i was trying to keep my cool not to break down anytime...

**************************

How far do u agree towards Euthanasia (mercy killing) ?

It is always a hot debate between those who oppose & agree. Debating is one thing, but what if euthanasia has to be happen on your side? Would u still go towards saying YES??

*****************

Since you walk away from home that day... u came back with a sickness..

In & out u went to clinics... In & out the pills through your mouth..

Staying inside the cage under observation waiting for familiar faces to visit u..

U wag your tail hard & started to eat again when u see dad & mom..

I'm sorry I'm sorry & I'm sorry

For not able to be with you when you are dying slowly inside..

I'm sorry coz i ignored u when u bark @me to look at the leash..
I'm sorry i just walk away when u sit beside me..

I'm sorry i care less of your sickness when i was busy finishing my report last holiday..

I'm sorry Hallie...

Can I.. see u again when i go back home this Raya holidays????

A question i've been wondering...

*********

Balancing between medical financial burden & losing u... I really do not know what to do.... so frustrated right now~~ it seems like there are lots of crazy decisions to make these days.... It's enough to kill me if i made the wrong move.. I won't die.. but it would be killing me softly inside.. with regrets & self-condemns...

I just hope that my prayers are answered.. I would appreciate if people pray 4my dog too. Her name is Hallie.

young & energetic when u were a puppy

happy as u are

until u have fallen asick..

U are not just a dog. but u r my companion & a good listener.

I wonder what it is like when u are away..

At home... it will just left four family members..

It won't be the same again without any barking noise..

annoying as it is...but i'll miss your bark.. now & always

we are (& always be) best friends until the end

i just don wish to put u to sleep

~ I Love U~

The cuts on my hands ; The wounds in my soul

2009-09-10T15:41:00.006+08:00

Rat Race~

Chasing for the deadline.. Chasing for endless time..

No matter if you are a student or an employee climbing for the corporate ladder, recalling the busiest moments you got there..how many times u wished to seat your butt down & have a glass of refreshing drinks at your own personal time? to enjoy a handful of popcorn while laughing uncontrollably at the sitcoms on TV/ movie on cinema screen? to really enjoy stroll passing Voir, Vincci or Nichii during the month of sales in hope for an eye-catching outfit~~

***********************

The cuts on my hands... i din realize it until i felt the pain when washing my clothes..

The growling noise as if there were 5 dogs barking inside my tummy... ten i realize i've miss a meal again..

The eye bags that you discovered when u really look into the mirror..

The time when i can't get up in the morning.. then i realize hey im really tired~

Have u ever have a time like this before? whereby u r feeling glad that finally u r able to have time to sit tight at home & have your favourite to-dos~

I know i will~

Who says life is always bed of roses?

It never does but hey.. happiness is in one's hands. Take a break for awhile & i say pick up your sensor skills to be alert of the surrounding spices of your life~ Let the colours & music of life throng you~~

So Close.. and yet So Far

2009-09-09T19:27:00.007+08:00

Do u know that i'v been thinking of u lately~

The touch of your lips..

The pounding of your hearts..

The warmth of your embrace..

The whisper of your voice..

The sound of your breath when i close my eyes..

Each day there is at least one minute i'll flash through the vision of you..

The protection i sense when ur hands on me.. embracing me tight..

Each night i wish to whisper good nite 2u & wake up in the morning to hear your voice..

Do u know that in every occasions i wish to spend time with you~

Your every presense that left me a sweetness on my lips..

I treasure..

We bump into each other everyday... The difference is just that we are only meeting in our dreams..

*************************

I've made a mistake... A mistake for falling into you..

Coz i know it's impossible for us..

For me to record all the memories in "My Love Story"

You have left me a suicide note..

2009-09-04T01:39:00.010+08:00

While i was listening to Suicide Note by Disagree while doing revision at the same time, somehow i just got distracted by the lyrics in this song.. Suicide Note..

*. *. *. *. *. *. *. *. *. *. *. *. *. *. *. *.

**I was stunned by what i've found from your bag.. You have left me a suicide note.. The depressing words on the yellowish old piece of paper.. it took me quite some time to analyse the chinese written handwritings.. I doubt it was few years back.. when u scribbled your suicidal intentions on that paper..**

You have left me a suicide note.. but it was meant to be sent to your brother.You were describing how hard life was that you can't bear the burden & craziness anymore.. for it was torturing you so badly..

You have left me a suicide note.. in which i wonder why it was still kept in your bag.. I dare not throw the paper away as i was afraid that you'll found out that i have went through your belongings.. It just made me treasure you more when i know that you are still in our midst today..

Eventhough it happened few years back.. Flashing back the horrific moment when i discovered that note by incident... Listening to this song just made me feel somehow.. insecure.. It is already a norm for me to have dreams & flashes each day.. It is always a fantasy when you wander into the virtual world but it is always a melancholy moment when you flash back the memories which you would never wanted to have..

***

"I just hope that you'll know your girl can't afford to lose you.. Please don't just leave me.. without saying goodbye.." ****

Whispering to your ear..

"I treasure you mom"

When I Just About To Give Up..

2009-08-31T18:07:00.007+08:00

Have u ever felt..

When u r just about to give up upon life or certain things..

There is a sudden sparkle appears from no where & added into ur life..

And perhaps it has changes your life or aims since then..

Hmm.. I've been struggling to make a decision lately. Trying to ignore certain responsibilities recently.. i've just came back from a 3D2N Bible Conference in Johor Bahru. I was so reluctant to attend this conference at first, packing my belongings & wash up at the very last 25mins after a long consideration on whether to skip. Darn it~

Many times i wonder why it is just so hard to become a believer.. I know many doesn't feel this way but i do..

On the 2nd night, can't believe i would dozed off & fell asleep during the night prayer. I was so tired and the next thing i knew was i crashed onto the floor knocking down the chairs in front of me & scared the people around.. I quickly got up & stand back into praying standing position & close my eyes trying to cover up so that the pastor in front did not realize anything. It was so embarassing.. Worse i've let my juniors saw my graceful act.. Haiz~

* * * * *

When i was just about to give up upon christianity life..

A newborn has created. My junior bro had accepted christ. Ahh~

When i was just about to give up upon christianity faith..

There's a sudden restoration of hope within me..

Good thing this conference still able to restore the 10% faith within me. Eventhough it's just a small percentage, but i do believe this 10% will grow~ For i will keep my promise as to the covenant I've made..

Losing Grip

2009-08-29T09:42:00.010+08:00

Talk about hanging on the edge.. u can't move a step forward nor backward. U r tired, ur muscles are aching.. Any mistake u make u'll just risk ur life. Face it, u r stuck!

In a situation like this.. what would u do? Cry out for God's help? Wishing someone would just pass by and give a hand? (might take years) Or u just shut ur teary eyes and flash back all the memories of your love ones and say "I'm sorry".. slowly letting go of your hands..

I'm that kind of person who will just leave... without saying goodbye..

I will cry, I will miss the moments we had, I will have regrets, but I will never forgive myself..

If i ever grab hold of your hand so tightly, it means that i appreciate u..

Don't ever let go of my grip..

if im holding u tight

I wish i could be like U

2009-08-20T21:40:00.009+08:00

Hey I think i've seen u before!

* * * *

It's funny to see familiar faces on the internet. I just Googled my name on the internet & hey look what i've found. It's incredible how we can able to access to a person's details easily via the internet with the advance of cyber technology today. I've typed my friends' name too & hey i've found ya :p It's funny to see my dad's name appear2 with his N years graduate photo LOL! so cute! haha~ cute daddy ^_^

I've been browsing through friends' profiles, friends' friends' profile too. I like to trespass err i mean visit stranger's blog too. One is to extend my social network, second is that i actually admire them. Not admire admire that kind, it's what they have scribbled down their thoughts, their lives shared through the photos & blog posts that i admire. I see how people live their lives at overseas, how they are leading a fruitful success career life, how they enjoy their life as exciting as the roller coaster.. I envy these lives~

I've just found my old pal's pics & info through Google. Wow.. it's been ages i'v not in touch with him. It's really...that feeling of yearning for a success when i saw the pictures & description about him..as a leader. A leader in the troop~ wow.. I just can't believe.. we used to hangout in the past and what a big difference now & then when time changes people. I've to call his name follow by a Sir infront as a respect for the different level between us now.

Have u ever..

browse through people's profile & see how success their lives are

& u say

"Hey~ how i wish i could be like u"

A fresh start with yogurt

2009-08-19T13:11:00.008+08:00

Starting your day fresh with yogurt as breakfast or simply just treat it as a light healthy snack will just do good for you. Here are the simple ways in preparing yogurt-based a.k.a. Lassi drink at home. Try it~

1) First get some soft fruits like dragonfruit, mango, strawberries, blueberries or kiwi etc etc. Here i pick dragonfruit, mango fruit & blueberry jam for the yogurt flavour.

2) Cut the dragonfruit & mango into cubes.

3)Place the yogurt and mango into a blender bowl to be blended until it is finely mixed.

4) Add sugar syrup to lessen the sour taste of the yogurt. No specific measurement as everything is up to the portion size of the lassi made. (Roughly: 1/2 mango, 1/2 glass of fresh yogurt & 2 tbs syrup to make 1 glass of Mango Lassi)

5) Pour the fine mango lassi into a glass.

6) Repeat step 3, 4 & 5 replaced with dragonfruit.

7) You can add fruit cubes on top of the lassi as dressing.

WALA~ Fresh Dragonfruit Lassi!

~ Mango Lassi ~

~ Blueberry Jam Lassi ~

P/S: RM14 1.5kg Sunglo Fresh Yogurt (plain) is used here => much cheaper if u compared buying 11units of 135g Nestle yogurt products.

Yogurt a nutritionally enriched food in protein, calcium, riboflavin, vitamin B6 & B12 is definitely good for your daily diet. It aids digestion & weight loss too. I say why not have a try!

Contrary Reaction

2009-08-18T20:52:00.006+08:00

Just when i was watching Oprah Winfrey show this noon i was enjoying myself with a few homemade chocs. OK it's not a few it's a whole lots of it.. I was planning to gain some weight though (excuse).. What's contrary was that losing weight talks was on Oprah that time. OwHhH~ it did made me feeling guilty alright... EahH~ calories zZ..

homemade almond chocs

tried it with blue berries as toppings

* * * *

Today i came acrossed his profile.. saw him wif his gal..

Hmm.. weird.. there's no jealousy here. I'm actually happy for him though.

"I thought of how u used to affect my mood too whenever u r upset or happy.

I admired u alot.."

Somehow u have a new life new beginning..

And im happy for u

May u be blessed always

Success is Sweeter When The Odds Are Against U

2009-08-17T20:15:00.005+08:00

Many times we are not sure when we will reach the top..

It could be next morning.. it could be another season..

* * *

Have u ever wonder..

"Success is Sweeter When all the odds are against you.."

when all hardworks are paid off when u reach the peak..

"It" that attracted me @the 1st place

2009-08-15T13:16:00.005+08:00

Have u ever experience the adrenaline pump when u watch a movie/TV series? I bet we all do that all the time.. but today it was different..

I hardly watch any TV programmes/news when i was in Johore. Every updates i'll just refer to the source of the internet. Today i just watched "Prototype This" in Discovery channel. It was awesome to see people with that passion & the spirit of never giving up in inventing prototypes, products for the future. Watching Discovery does inspire me. Recalling how science attracted me at the very first place, my curiousity for everything.. When i was little, the 1st comic book that inspired me-Thomas Edison's.

I went to my room and searched back the memories that i had. "Lily's Memory Box" is where i kept all the things that i treasured ever since im a kid.

I still kept all the T-Gang "tuan chan" & CS stuffs.. miss it..

I would say im a very different person from others, starting from kid i was of a different species. I don't play barbie, I don't really make up, I don't play computer games (i just started to only play fb games this year), I don't watch anime etc etc..

These were the games that i played when i was young.

The microscope is a gift from my birthday. I remembered.. Whenever i used to go for outdoor activities with family, i would pack my bag with the specimen tubes, binoculars, compass & penknife inside. I would collect speciments from the river, pond, fungus or anything that attracted me so that i can view it through the lenses of the scope. I even think it's cool for someone to own a Swiss penknife which cost higher.

I recalled the days when i was a passionate scout following my dad to here and there. Learned to cross little river with a bamboo which had me end up with a swollen butt. Enjoyed setting up the tent and digging soil to make drain for our campsite. I cherish all the moments in the past where i used to have that strong passion for science and scouting. I just felt kinda wasted that, that passion could not sustain until the very end. How i regretted giving up my studies and goals instead..

Simply just watching this Discovery channel, it just made me want to go back to the one i used to be--> passionate.

Another Morning Like This

2009-08-10T19:01:00.005+08:00

A daily morning wake up call for me with a sprang from the bed followed by "sh*t! im late!"

It's been ages since my last stop to admire the moon. I miss the moment where i used to view the sun rising from the east. I miss the smell of the refreshing morning mist. I miss the times where i used to have my "rewind in slow motion" instead of "fastforward".

3-4 hours sleep a day it's a very common thing for me. Worse~ my sleep cycle has affected resulting insomnia for me. Hmm~ talk about my commitments & presenting my very best in everything. I wonder how those people with "kiasu" spirit survive..TIME is always my main issue. I even rejoice when i felt asick so that i have excuses to skip meetings, classes & have my own space again at home.

I have lose my focus in studies these days n i wanted so much to catch up back. Wishing to avoid & reject certain responsibilities but it just made me feel more guilty,irresponsible & immature. These might just lead me into more excuses.. What i see from other people's lives, they can reach the top n why shouldn't i. So timid & lacking of faith from me~

I remember i used to write about my fantasy in the past, the lives of the people & the morning of my hometown in my friendster blog. And now? ...

My seniors' graduation day just over & it just made me realize that time is running real fast. And i believe if im willing enough.. im able to create my cherishable memories & leave my foot prints behind in making a difference in my university. I want to see me walking out this uni with my head held high and say "hey, i did it.." Success is my word & i shall see me bearing fruits! I just need that passion, thats all~

What The Flu (WTF)

2009-08-03T12:07:00.004+08:00

WTF! Flu is everywhere! I wonder why people these days still take H1N1 lightly. I just went for a workshop in Sunway n i was surprise that no one even cared to 1st wash their hands before going for meals. We were in an air cond room which meant closed ventilation. There were people coughing and we had hand shakes!
When i reach home last friday the 1st thing my dad told me to do was wash my hands. Ok,my dad was carrying out his responsibility to protect the family n i respect that. Whenever i had contacts with sick people or door knobs, i came back home and have a shower straight away. I wash my hands n cup frequently. It's d responsibility towards d public that im saying!
Refering to Malaysia's 4th death recorded of victim Nur Syazwana,her dad thought it was just a normal flu. People,we should really be paranoid so to prepare us to be alert on any flu liked symptons!
Let's hope that we won't be in the quarantine list. Posting my blog in Transnational bus,going back Johor now. Fingers crossed 4me

Unexpectations

2009-07-31T18:46:00.010+08:00

Wearing mask for the 1st time while travelling back to my hometown from Johor. The influenza pandemic of H1N1 is indeed worrying. Many education instituion were closed to prevent the spread of the virus. So many people sick and im glad that im recovering from my fever. Had a really bad dream this morning which left me cold sweat in the dark.

On my way back to KL, i was trying to understand the book of Judges,but i just could not concentrate.. My late grandma came to my mind somehow. Old age of amnesia is always a disastrous to a person's life. So sad~

Leading a new life a new identity under the faith of christianity, my life and my decision to commit in the ministry flash into my mind. I have become passive these few days.. Kinda confuse lately, feeling guilty on the hand for not able to encourage some bro and sis which we were suppose to run for the same direction. I wonder what if i have not chosen this route.. I might be having a night life morning girl differ character. I would not be hesitating to join my friends to hangout and have a euphoria hour at some place. I would be skipping classes at least one/twice every fortnight. I would not be respecting my lecturers in classes. I would not care too much for my juniors and most of all, i would not be making a good role model.

Somehow at this minute with my earphone on, the music "At the beginning" from Disney Anastasia was being played. The message delivered here "life is a route now and forever a wonderful journey"..Just felt so touch by this song~

Many times i wondered why i always make life so complicated. Perhaps i should just have a simple mind of 123..

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Cultural Difference

2009-07-24T16:09:00.008+08:00

I always admire & into the western culture of being open minded, creative, cool lifestyle & ways they manage things efficiently. Culture difference.. We can see or feel it anywhere we go. Be it in your workplace, neighbourhood or campus surrounding. Since im studying in uni now, i always compare between studying in private uni & government uni. Somehow it just made me wonder would i be more successful if im in private uni now. Would i be more talented in the sense that i would be cultivated to move up to the higher level of potentiality much more sooner? The different level of ways to manage things, different mindset & perception of the people in both different environment...

but 1 thing confirm here is that...i'll go through hardship & learn to be tougher..

Introducing SIFE

2009-07-24T08:37:00.016+08:00

It was indeed a remarkable experience for me to have this opportunity to be part of the team in SIFE National Competition on 19-21/07/09. Competing teams of SIFE Universities from all over Malaysia such as UMS, UITM, UM, MMU, UniKL, Uniten etc etc were in PWTC, KL here to present their projects. Many of you might wonder what is SIFE? S.I.F.E.--> Student In Free Enterprise. It's all about entrepreneurship, business ethics, skills, financial literacy, sustainability projects while doing community service at the same time aiming to change the world. As the SIFE theme goes "A head for business, A heart for the world". You can log on to http://www.sife.org/ for more details. Interesting as it is, our team from UTHM Johor still able to walk back in high spirit after winning the Spirit Award eventhough we did not make it to the final rounds.

Check out the photos below ^_^

During Q&A session

Our models - Presentors frm left sexy Kjune, Gentleman Freddie @d back, the Great Boon Soon sitting, & our lovely Krystabel on d right.

Nope, we are not from MAS/SIA, we are from - SIFE UTHM!

Breakfast @Grand Seasons Hotel, KL

Our SIFE style of doing da "ka chink!!" ; Founder by Kjune

Ladies & gentleman pls DON'T try this @home

new "Ho Ciak" TV host

Luncheon @PWTC. The food was so irresistible u just can't close your mouth for 1sec! Delicious~

The effect of overstress

Careful not to be tempted by him! Status : Single & Available ; Contact: 012-XXXX999

I love this pics so much!! LOLz~ The zZ posture of over exhausted

U know, this was an amazing trip for me. A fascinating extraordinary one I would say! The most enjoyable part is whereby we are able to hangout & had great fun together. Hope our bonds will continue to strengthen & blossom.

1 Team, 1 Spirit We United. 1 SIFE, 1 Malaysia. We are SIFE UTHM!!

Negligence

2009-06-17T15:02:00.002+08:00

Today i made a stupid mistake with an old vacuum cleaner..
Whenever i made careless mistakes my brain will be full of cursings damn words cursing myself why i would be so freaking stupid, useless & careless... Harz~~

I was doing the vacuuming job & din actually realize the dust was coming out at one end. Somebody realized it before i managed to turn the vc off. Oh wat do u noe.. dusty dust~~ the bag inside the vc has already burst a long time ago. I recall using the vc days ago.. ughhhh~~ that means i have been messing up my house instead of cleaning it. Darn it!

Eventhough this small matter as this vc case, it reflects the negligence that i have been unaware of. Then i think back again, there were actually a lot of negligence happened & happening in my life. Many times i was so occupied on certain things that i have neglected on the other important things. Many times i have focus on the wrong thing instead the bigger picture that i should lay my eyes upon. I guess mistakes just would never end in our lives do they? harz~~
That's why people say that mistakes are the beginning of a success huh?

Alert Alert! I need to wake up...

Alone But Not Lonely

2009-06-13T03:11:00.007+08:00

"Alone but not feeling lonely"

These were the words i heard from a righteous man.

A lot of times im surrounded by people, friends etc. I often have people told me that i knew a lot of contacts. Ya maybe. But somehow having people to have the same passion with you is hard what else for having somebody to walk beside you during the tide is even a minority. Eventhough im surrounded by people, lonely eventhough i'm not alone.. Monophobia?

.....

Alone but not lonely...

or should i say Not alone.. but lonely

The route least taken

2009-06-09T22:18:00.002+08:00

1 thing i love best for using public transportation (when it's not crowded) is the people. You'll never know who you'll be standing or sitting next to in LRT, KTM, or Rapid KL. You'll find many interesting people around you. Of course, stealing a look at gorgeous guys not excluded too hehe *eyebrows shaking =p Sometimes, i find people digging their nose in public & glued it on the poll or window(eww~don't think i din see it!). Sometimes, I see the blind around, foreigners with haversack, parents with toddlers, man in business suit, immigrants looking suspicious, adults with books in hand, couples smooching around, youngsters at the floor crapping vulgar words etc...

This same goes as having a walk at the park. I love to see people with their lives. Parents with their babies at the playground, gangs hanging out at 1 corner, people jogging, some walking with their dogs, mysterious people etc. I love to have my own thoughts while walking my dog around the park. Today i've decided to take another route for our walk. This new route i took, I'm able to view different perspectives from different angles. I get to see things i don't usually see. If I did not take this route, I would not realize there was a kid reading at 1 corner at this evening hour. If i did not take this route, I would not know there is actually a beautiful Golden Retriever at the corner lot. If i did not, i would not notice the owner who brought his dog for a walk also at the same route as me...

There are a lot of alternatives in our lives actually, n sometimes when we chose to walk on the road least taken, we might see bigger pictures of what's ahead of us, n with that we can experience a whole new chapters in our lives

NO MORE Game of Faith

2009-06-08T21:13:00.011+08:00

Haven't fully recovered from my fall, I finally found the 1 thing amiss in my life. Colours~ I finally know what is "Joy".On the night of African Fire.. In Your Name lifted so high, I am so greatful that i felt hope again. My vision of me leading a victorious life, I want to make it a reality and no more blank dreams. I finally found a new purpose in my life. With life so short, it's time for me to stop procrastinating, to stop playing the games of faith. And it is at this hour this second that I want to hold strong to The Vision I believe.

I can feel and I can see it coming. The challenges ahead of my life, I need to equip myself and be ready 24 7 so I would not be falling down hard again. A covenant that I have made, and I shall fulfill it. Life is just like a marathon. In order to reach my goal, I can't stop & I shall keep on running, running, and running until the very end of the finishing line. And even if I fall, or both my bare feet are bleeding in pain, I stand up and walk slowly but I would not stop. The moment I began this promise, I will walk out from my safe cocoon & to take up the challenges, there shall no turning back.

An appreciation i wanna give thanks to a few special people for their influence in my life. Peniel, Stone Girl LF, KY, Super Senior Sunny, Graigy, Gideon, Alien, Alix, Golden Pig, my didi BN etc etc. Thanks 4being my strength poll, comfort, encouragement & companion. I want to appologize too as my pride & patience were tested before this. To run in this marathon, it's aint easy. There will be alot of temptations, obstacles & emotions. These are my biggest enemies. I have a request here and I ask the people here to be my eyes so I won't be directed from the track I'm running. Vanish my curiousity & desire to the worldly world,fame & power. Help me to stay away from the route to destruction. Rise me up to be a potential one. In this marathon that we are all in, I believe 1 day we will be seeing each other on the finishing line. That's all i'm asking for.

A place to be called HOME

I'm Colour Blind

2009-06-02T11:16:00.009+08:00

New semester~ i wonder what it's like? My fear for everything.. Would i be performing well? Would i be falling again?

... Colours~ How can i add them into my life? Searching for my passion & triumph of my life each day. Where am i heading? I have no idea.. Each day why... Why is there so hard for me to feel. I don't see the colours in my life. Too much black & white. Perhaps..

I'm colour blind~

Secret Recipe @Berjaya Times Square

2009-06-01T15:54:00.005+08:00

I always love Secret Recipe. It provides a classy comfortable yet simple atmosphere for visitors. When you order the cheesecakes or brownies, make sure you only order one. If not, you won't be having much appetite for other dishes. It's better to go with companion(s) as you can share or exchange the cakes after a few bites.

Chocolate Indulgence @RM6.30

My all time favourite! Thick chocolate flavour so creamy it melts in your mouth hmm hmm~ ahh~ felt like im in heaven~ indulgenlicious!! Stars : 10/10

Vienna Brownies @RM4.50

Superlicious on the 1st bite with chocolate chips on top & cream cheese layer filling inside. Kinda dry for the brownie. Stars : 7/10

Caramel Cream Cheese @RM6.30
If you are not a caramel fan don't order this. The cream cheese doesn't taste like one though. Stars: 3/10

Watermelon Drinks @RM7.00

Slurpy icy cold makes you wanna drink for more! Stars:9/10

This is the list of cakes i wanna try out 4my next visit :
-Cheeze Choc
-Durian Cheese
-Hazel Cheese
-Espresso Cheese
-New York Cheese
-Brownies Walnut

P/S: Correct me if the prices were wrongly stated.TQ

Raindrops

2009-05-31T21:03:00.008+08:00

The sound of the rain drops falling upon the land was clear to be heard, forming ripples all over the earth. Rain drops that hit the leaves of the trees and flowers were seen swaying, nodding their heads repeatedly. Accumulated rain water in the little sinkholes of the road reflected blurry pictures of the surroundings. Leaning at the window pane trying to clear my headache away, i took a deep breath. The smell of the refreshing rain, I allowed myself to feel the rain upon my face. Ahh~ It was so cooling. The view from above Sg. Long Apartment is indeed beautiful at the moment like this. At this very pace, everything seems to be moving slowly. I took another deep breath. Wondering why life is such a pain at times~

At Peace~

2009-05-30T20:34:00.003+08:00

It was 5.30 in the evening, and i was sitting on the bench at the little park in front of my house. It was quite shady with windy weather. I sat on the bench humming a song~ A song which recalls me to stay loyally. I closed my eyes and listen carefully to the surrounding. The sound of nature.. the chirping of the birds.. engines.. the panting noise of my dog.. the wind..
I listen carefully. I heard the music of the ocean. the beach.. the sun.. I just need a little more imagination.. I closed my eyes again. I was trying to catch a voice~

I just thought of yOu~

2009-05-30T01:49:00.005+08:00

Did anyone say u have gorgeous eyes? Somehow i just thought of you today..

U were staring at me straight in the eyes everytime we met in class. Why me this boyish plain dressed girl? Shy of me everytime u did that. Looking towards every week so that we could meet up in class. We hardly talk as it was not convenient for us to do so..

I still remember u had a bad haircut 1day and u hid it with a cap wore backwards. U did not look at me that day. I wanted to tell u that u look cute with the new haircut. I was 11 and u were in Form1 at that time~~

When i was 14, we met again for night classes. Each week i would try to look my best and hang around the lobby b4 class starts to wait for your arrival. There was once we met in a ceremony for u to receive the PMR awards. U n i were chatting with each of our own friends but u were not paying attention to them. Neither did i. Your eyes.. they were filled with passion~ Did anyone tell u u look cute when u smile too~ Keeping low profile of my little actions, i hold all the excitement inside me. I never shared about U to anyone. I tried to forget about U ever since u left. U graduated b4 me and u left without saying goodbye.. These memories with your every move, your lips, eye contacts..yes your eyes...they were still fresh in my mind.. Many times i dreamed of U and tried to brush it off.. Somehow i realize that im still missing you. Wondering if U are ok lately, whether u r working or studying now, whether u r engaged or married, whether u r still in Malaysia... If by any chance, can i meet u?

Autumns leaves, spring comes.. My hope for you.. Giving u my best blessings to yOu~

It is juSt rubber..

2009-05-29T00:41:00.004+08:00

I'm just like a box made of rubber. Containing my heart and soul inside it. Sometimes when the box was being stretched, it reforms back into the original shape. It is elastic~ Sometimes when the box was being stretched too often, in the long run the rubber box would be changed into cylindrical shape or simply juz far away from being the original state. N sometimes if the box was overstretched, it would broke off... Enabling the fragile heart and soul to wander around in the midst of risk. Exposing them to different edges. It is just like a rubber band. We can't impose too much effort in tying things up. Too much effort made, it would juz torn into 2 n perhaps making things worst. Rubber~ It is so elastic, it changes every now and then..

Introducing "Program Tuisyen Rakyat Selangor"

2009-05-27T00:34:00.003+08:00

"Program Tuisyen Rakyat Selangor (PTRS)" a.k.a. 雪州人民补习计划 is a programme especially for students taking SPM this year of family's income under RM 2000. This programme enables students to attend tuition for free with all tuition fees taken care by the state government. PTRS has launched its 1st class on 3/05 and so far recorded 50 participants. Qualified and experience teachers were chosen for this programme. 4 subjects taught in this prog included BM, BI, Maths and History. PTRS aims to help the less opulent students who are weak in their studies. The spokesperson wish to produce excellent minds through this programme so to prepare them for the battle in SPM. PTRS will proceed until SPM comes.

Below are the photos of Serdang MP Teoh Nie Ching and Assemblyman Ean Yong launching PTRS @Pusat Tuisyen Didik Inovatif (PTDI), Seri Kembangan on 24/05 morning.

MP and Assemblyman were being shown the way students have to scan their Matrix cards and go through the turnstile b4 attending a class.

Reporters

Frm left : Serdang Assemblyman Ean Yong, Principal of PTDI Mr. Tan, Serdang MP Teoh, PTRS Coordinator Mr. Chong

SPM students are encouraged to grab hold of this golden opportunity and to sign up for this. For more enquiries, please contact Mr.Chong 012-2617931 or PTDI 03-89435886 (office hour 2-10pm).

Phobia

2009-05-25T21:56:00.016+08:00

Phobia~ Familiar with this term? Some people face it almost daily while some bold ones escaped from it. What is phobia actually? It is a form of anxiety disorders. An irrational, intense fear of certain situations, activities, things, or people.

There are diff kinds of phobia:
Acrophobia - Fear of height
Bibliophobia - Fear of books

Enochlophobia - Fear of crowds
Hemophobia - Fear of blood
Insectophobia - Fear of insects
Philemaphobia - Fear of kissing
Venustraphobia - Fear of beautiful woman

Me? I have Arachnophobia, the fear of spiders... I was painting the dining room this noon n i can't stop but to scream. This intense fear from me when i spot spiders running lintang pukang on the ceiling, wall... yAiKsSsSSS~ I almost fell from the ladder and escaped deaths (ok..light injuries). Owh~

This fear can be serious at times. How can phobia be treated? Therapists suggested Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Emotional Freedom Technique, also anti-depression medications may help too. Me? I have "Spider Whacker". It's actually like california roll made of newspapers. Today, somehow i just felt that im not that afraid of this 8 legged anymore.

Hey im goin4 Cosmetic Surgery!

2009-05-24T14:07:00.009+08:00

Eversince i came back from Johor i have serious acne problems. This skincare problem im facing makes me feel embarass about it, avoiding myself from the public. The flaws of my physical appearance, sometimes i do think of going for cosmetic surgery..

Shortcut to beauty how wonderful it is. Japan is 1 good example of showing high demand towards cosmetic surgery among females. Cosmetic surgery.. there are complications behind it actually~ Refering to the latest April '09 incident of Nicola Stratton who participated in a makeover TV programme was left with 1 breast when one of her implants exploded. Also the case of our former Labuan MP's wife who passed away due to cosmetic surgery complications. Thinking back.. it's scary~ Beuticians would just meet the clients' need when they smell money, the health risk effect to their clients doesn't seem important anymore.

Cosmetic or no cosmetic surgery? I think i should brush off the idea of it~

P/S: The title of this post? Juz kid.. It's nothing to do with it =p

Krispy Kreme @Berjaya Time Square KL

2009-05-23T05:58:00.013+08:00

The 1st ever Krispy Kreme Doughnuts outlet in Malaysia! Opened in April 2009, located @ground floor main entrance of TimeSquare, furnished with comfortable sittings and carpeted floors creating a relaxing ambience.

Original Glazed @RM2.50 while the others, the Assorted Doughnuts @RM2.80 each.

Americano(M) for RM6

Delicious on the outside, what about the inside taste?

Frankly speaking, the doughnuts served here were super sweet! And the drink that i ordered, Americano Cold tasted bitter. Personally i prefer Big Apple doughnuts. Still, i give a thumbs up sign for the lovely comfy surrounding and the friendly polite employees.

Krispy Kreme will be openning its 2nd store in Mid Valley by the end of May 09. I believe Krispy Kreme will have franchises all over Malaysia. Whether there's improvement for Krispy for the 2nd store, perhaps you guys should try the doughnuts out and tell me about it ^_~

"Will You Stop Talking About My Job?!"

2009-05-23T04:09:00.015+08:00

Everytime we have a reunion with our long lost contacts we tend to ask how are they doing lately with their lives. Whenever the topic about "How's your job" popped out the opposite will either sigh or brush off the topic. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy..

I just went to catch up with a few old pals and our topic mainly was about how sucks working life is. Nothing in this world can guarantee fast cash. Either u do it illegally or u just depend on internal relationships. If one desires to make big bucks, patience is the word. It really turns me off to see people being choosy with their jobs.

Look at Fred DeLuca, founder of Subway, also Ray Kroc with McDonald's franchises all over the world. The stories of these 2 figures.. it's all about perseverence. N maybe I should be inspired by Fred DeLuca and Ray Kroc too. Perseverence is the key to success.. n i should bear in mind that.

Story of A Young Living Soul

2009-05-22T00:09:00.005+08:00

How impressive it is for a young lad holding as president post in the Children's Parliament in Varanasi, India. There is this organisation in India whereby as young as 9-year-old Tazim elected as president incharging of daily children issues such as child hunger, abuse, caste discrimination, forced early marriages etc. In India, there are no courses to train citizens to become politicians. From this parliament, the chilren learn their way to the top, exposing them to the competitive world and allowing them to manage things without using scandals.

A heroic figure as young as 9, how inspiring i am. Age is not a matter after all. I compare myself to this young boy, looking back at all my failures and give ups, how ashamed i felt. Why not just be like this boy who filled with this fiery passion and burden at the same time, to face our daily challenges, and learn our way to the top. If he can do it, why not us?

This teaches me nothing is impossible. If we look at the mirror, ya it is only you. But hey, look back at the mirror again, it is not just you. Just put a more faith in yourself, believing that you are a warrior in the mirror and hey, you are indeed a warrior.

The leaves are falling.. then i realize it's Autumn

2009-05-17T00:22:00.006+08:00

Im speechless.. Just wandering my soul at this beautiful medium, my fingers starting to tap, enjoying with the flow of music.. Humming.. humming..

My heart is full of warmth. I wanted to share my joy but my lips.. Im just speechless.. My heart is full of warmth and i know that im in love~ Fill with excitement and confusion at the same time.. im waiting for that one person..

The wind blows, the leaves fall, and i feel like in Autumn now..